Back in June, we endorsed Christian theocrat Harvey Sparks as the Republican candidate for the Oklahoma 5th Congressional District. We did this because I played on his church basketball league my sophomore year of high school. That worked out about as well as a pack of wet matches. He finished last.
Hopefully we'll have better luck this time around. We're endorsing Steve Russell over Patrice Douglas in today's Republican runoff for the 5th Congressional seat. This was a difficult decision. They're both awful choices, but since men are generally taller and have higher IQs than women, he's the logical choice.
Okay, I'm just kidding angry lady who's about to leave a comment on our Facebook page. There are actually some compelling reasons in addition to height and IQ that led us to endorse this certified gun nut over the certified chamber robot.
Here are three of them:
1. Steve Russell has missed a lot of votes.
Hey, if we're going to choose a right-wing Republican to represent us Congress, we might as well pick the person who's going to miss the most congressional votes. According to this Patrice Douglas website that I think is supposed to make Steve Russell look bad, we learned that Steve had a less than stellar voting record when serving in the Oklahoma State Senate. Awesome! Great! Send him to Washington, put him on a war committee and maybe he won't embarrass us on the national stage.
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2. The Oklahoman endorsed Patrice Douglas.
When the same paper that endorsed Janet Barresi is endorsing your opponent, you must be doing something right.
His views on some issues, such as immigration, appear more inclusive and tolerant than those espoused by many conservative candidates. In explaining his brief stay at the state Capitol, Russell said he accomplished everything he set out to do when he got there. Among the highlights was a bill that removed the state income tax on federal pay to troops.
Russell’s spotty attendance for floor votes is troubling, however, as was his vote against a lawsuit reform bill that aligned him with liberal Democrats. His explanations for the former have been vague; his defense of the latter, rooted in the book of Leviticus, is unconvincing. Other raps on Russell — that he doesn’t yet live in the 5th District, for example — are less concerning and shouldn’t be a factor when voters make their choice.
So he's inclusive, tolerant and doesn't think corporations should be immune from lawsuits... and they want you vote for the other person.
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3. Look who Patrice Douglas likes on Facebook.
Patrice Douglas has a Facebook page, and for some reason her "likes" aren't private. That's a mistake, because now we know she like this person:
Yep, Patrice Douglas voluntarily liked the page of Livechurch.TV pastor Chris Beall. Let me tell you, there are three types of tools out there: regular tools, power tools and then Chris Beall. He's the frozen yogurt of... wait... wrong person. Sorry Chris Beall. Patrice Douglas liked Christina Fallin's Facebook Brand Page." Not profile. Page. That can't be real, right?
Yeah, it's real. At least she wasn't wearing a headdress and you can't hear her music.
Please keep in mind that if you vote for Patrice Douglas today, you'll be voting for a person who made a conscious decision to "Like" Hipster Boo Boo on Facebook. If that doesn't get you to vote for Steve Russell today, nothing will.
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