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Oklahoma is only the second worst state to live in…

9:00 AM EDT on July 17, 2014

oklahoma postcard

The secret is out.

Earlier this week, CNBC.com released a content farm clickbait slide show that ranked "America's 10 worst states to live in." Securing the second spot was the land of red dirt and earthquakes and tornadoes and teen pregnancy and Janet Barresi.

Via CNBC.com:

2. Oklahoma

The Sooner State gets its nickname from the 19th-century settlers who raced there to stake their claims. If the Land Rush were happening today, they might not be in as much of a hurry. Oklahoma ranks among the worst states in the nation for crime, health and air quality

I have a hard time taking a writer who's probably from India too seriously when they call a "land run" a "land rush," but whatever, that's fine. The blurb was kind of clever and a decent dig. Now please wow us with statistics that back up your opinion that Oklahoma is the second worst state to live in:

2014 Quality of Life score: 70 points (out of 300)

Weaknesses: Health, crime, air quality, local attractions
Strength: Only 16th worst for toxic chemical releases

2013 Quality of Life rank: 45
2014 Top States overall rank: 28

That's all you got? Health, crime, air quality and local attractions? Whatever. I can give you the first three, but have you never been to the Museum of Osteology?! What about the Cowboy Hall of Fame or whatever it's called now? And just wait until that Native American Cultural Center is completed in 2035. We'll have to change the name of Oklahoma to Local Attraction USA!

Of course, the real question here is what state actually finished ahead of us. It has to be Mississippi, right? Let's see who it is:

1. Tennessee

The violent crime rate in the Volunteer State is the worst in the country, according to the most recent full year of FBI statistics from 2012, although the state says crime declined last year. Tennesseans might want to volunteer to exercise a little more—fewer than half frequently do so. Health is poor, with high rates of diabetes and obesity. Roughly a quarter of adults are smokers. Based on these numbers, when they sing the blues in Memphis, they mean it.

Tennessee? Uhm, okay. It's basically an Oklahoma with mountains, better music and barbecue, and its own Arrested Development song. I was born here, raised here and, knowing my damn luck, I'm probably going to die here, but if I were rich and could choose between living in Oklahoma or Tennessee, I'd do what Oklahoma's country musicians do and pack my bags.

That being said, you better watch your back, Tennessee. Oklahomans are competitive people, and I have supreme confidence that our political leaders will do whatever it takes to secure the number one spot on next year's list. Any day now, expect Mary Fallin to authorize the release of more toxic chemicals into the Oklahoma air. That will get the ball rolling.

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