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Special session of Oklahoma legislature may be called to address Amish strip club crisis…

It's been an interesting month or two for Oklahoma strip clubs.

First, Nolan Clay filed a story back in May that reported Oklahoma City is trying to shut down some strip joint with $20 lap dances called Red Night Lights because it violates zoning laws. He reported in a new article this week that a $10 lap dance strip club joint wants to intervene into the lawsuit because they claim Red Night Lights is hurting business:

The current owner of one of Oklahoma City’s oldest strip clubs complains he is about to go out of business because he is losing so many customers to rival clubs operating illegally.

Keith Edwards, owner of Cat Ballou’s, is asking a judge to stop one rival, Red Light Nights Gentleman’s Club, right away.

Oklahoma County District Judge Patricia Parrish agreed to hear his request July 18.

“We’re fighting this every night,” Edwards, 48, a former law enforcement officer, said one evening last week inside the club, which was open but had no customers.

Five bikini-clad dancers hung around a concession area, smoking and drinking beers.

“We suffer through it,” he said. “I pray and pray and pray. This place used to be packed — every night, 100 people through the door.”

He said Red Light Nights has been operating illegally for seven years. “Something’s wrong when you can take your clothes off in a regular establishment and nothing’s being done,” he said.

You know Nolan Clay is loving this assignment. He hasn't had this much fun on a story since the time he covered Chris Reen's colonoscopy for The Oklahoman's employee newsletter, "Deadline." He just shows up at strip clubs, talks to dancers and asks them questions about their life, or as Al Eschbach calls it, a Wednesday night. However, unlike Eschbach, he probably doesn't offer to take them on a trip or anything creepy like that.

I did way too much research and can't find a thing out about Cat Ballou's, and to now make matters worse, every internet ad I see is for Adult Friend Finder. About the only thing I could find online was this photo:

cat ballous

Yeah, even though it looks like it smells like Lawton and the strippers have to worry about splinters, Cat Ballou's was packed every night with 100 people. I pray, pray, pray the owner kept good records proving that.

Anyway, this isn't even the biggest strip club story to break in the state this week. Yesterday, State Rep. Ben Sherrer, a Democrat from Choteau who looks like he masturbates to ottomans and old chairs, announced he's going to request a special session of the Oklahoma legislature to address the opening of all nude strip clubs in Oklahoma's amish community.

Via a press release from Sherrer's office:

State Rep. Ben Sherrer today announced his intention to ask legislative and executive branch leaders to call the Legislature into special session to address adult-oriented businesses in unincorporated rural areas.

The Chouteau Democrat said he would send his request to Republican Gov. Mary Fallin; House Speaker Jeff Hickman, R-Fairview; and Senate President Pro Tempore Brian Bingman, R-Sapulpa, who have the authority to call a special session before the next regular legislative session convenes in February 2015.

Sherrer said his request has been prompted by rumors of an all-nude strip club to be located in the heart of one of Oklahoma's largest Amish communities located between Inola and Chouteau, in Mayes County. “My sources have been unable to confirm whether the proposed location will become an all-nude club,” Sherrer said. “But whether it does or not, this topic needs to be addressed to give unincorporated rural areas that are not subject to countywide or municipal zoning some form of protection.”

Land records reflect the property just east of the Mayes County line on U.S. 412 was purchased last year by an out-of-state man who owns three other such clubs in other states, Sherrer said. A worker on the site has indicated to a local county commissioner he had signed a non-disclosure agreement and could not discuss the project.

The legislation Sherrer proposes to introduce in the special session would create a buffer zone of 1,000 feet between any adult sexually oriented business and the property line of any property actually devoted to residential or church use. In addition, there would be specific definitions for different types of adult sexually oriented business to avoid ambiguity and loopholes in the law.

Enforcement would be achieved through injunctive relief sought in district court, and non-conforming uses would have two years to comply with the law.

Are you kidding me?! We have Amish people in Oklahoma and they have nude strip clubs!?! That is awesome. Why have I not seen this profiled on Discover Oklahoma???

Seriously, let's plan a road trip and wait in line for The Buggy – that's what it should be called –  to open. I wonder what an all nude Amish strip club is like. Do they have magical candles to replace black lights? Are pasties made of clay? Do girls named Rebecca, Dorothy and Ruth walk around collecting tips in a wicker basket for the music fund, which I assume is just some fiddle player named Jedidiah or Eli? I can't wait to see what Nolan Clay finds out.

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