Mary Fallin needs help naming her new dog Trooper…
12:35 PM EDT on June 30, 2014
Mary Fallin has a new little puppy. That's a pic of him chewing up some of the open records we requested.
The dog is a cute little white lab that Mary probably purchased from a puppy mill in Tuttle, because if there's one person in this state who would support puppy mill breeders, its horse slaughter proponent Mary Fallin.
Because Mary can't decide anything on her own, she's asking for help from the public to choose the pup's name.
Oklahoma Gov. Mary Fallin is seeking the public’s help in naming a new white Labrador retriever puppy.Fallin said Thursday she is asking people to visit her Facebook page and offer ideas. Among the more than 350 names suggested on her page are Freedom, Reagan, Okie, and Cowboy.Fallin and her husband, Wade Christensen, already have a young Labrador mix named Burney, a rescue dog found abandoned near a grassfire in northeast Oklahoma City two years ago. Fallin’s longtime dog Rascal died last year.Fallin described the new puppy as “darling,” but says he’s already chewed up a pair of shoes. She added: “He’s just as cute as he can be, but he sure likes to bite.”
Yeah, something tells me that's not the first time Mary's said "He’s just as cute as he can be, but he sure likes to bite."
In case it's not obvious, Trooper is the perfect name for the dog. In fact, the name is so perfect that there's no way Mary will go with it. Here are a few other suggestions:
Tubby: As you know, Mary Fallin likes a scolding hot tub to keep her warm at night. Perhaps Tubby could do the same?
Frack: When he pees on the rug at the Governor's mansion, they can make awful "Someone needs to clean up the fracking fluid" jokes.
Coffee: Mary Fallin has to reward Glenn Coffee for making most her policy decisions for her. This would be very nice honor.
Grotto: You know what, maybe Trooper's not the perfect name after all.
Anyway, we wish Trooper the best of luck getting acclimated. Even though his owner may suck, Trooper / Grotto looks like a cool dog. If you need any proof, just check out his reaction to being photographed with Hipster Boo Boo:
You know how they say dogs can smell fear? Well, apparently they can smell pretentious posers, too.
Seriously, poor little Trooper / Grotto. He looks like he just had to listen to Pink Pony rehearse for three straight hours. You can tell by his expression that he knows within three weeks that his hair will be painted pink and he'll be wearing a Native American headdress.
Also, what the hell is up with Hipster Boo's old lady hand? Did she smash it in an Urban Outfitters catalog or get it caught in one her 5,000 zippers? Maybe we should change her nickname to Salad Fingers.