Sorry about the misleading headline. It's the only way I could make last night's debate between Republican US Senate frontrunners James Lankford and T.W. Shannon seem interesting.
In case you were doing something more fun and productive like binge watching Dr Quinn Medicine Woman or cleaning your baseboard, here's a brief synopsis:
TW Shannon: Obama is bad. Debt is bad. Harry Reid is bad. Healthcare is bad. Immigrants are bad. Oklahoma Speaker of the House. God.
James Lankford: Obama is bad. Debt is bad. Harry Reid is bad. Healthcare is bad. Immigrants are bad. Falls Creek church camp. God.
Yeah, that's about it. Although they have different personalities and backgrounds, there's really not a lot that separates these two candidates on the issues. It's like they were both conceived in the same limited government, obstructionist Fox News incubator. The main difference is one guy is financed by the Baptists, while the other is backed by the Chickasaws. Picking a side is kind of like choosing between Listerine and the gum disease gingivitis. In a perfect world, neither would exist.
If you think you can handle it, here's the first clip from the debate along with a few other thoughts:
• The most interesting part of the debate was at the very beginning when each candidate had to nervously look directly into the camera for 10 seconds while Kelly Ogle and News on 6 anchor Terry Hood read over their bios like they were hosting a dating show. You could tell both guys were nervous as fuck.
• Actually, I take that back. The most interesting part of the debate was Terry Hood deciding to wear a lab coat. I think she was trying to intimidate the candidates by making them think about science.
• If I had to pick a winner, I'd go with, uhm, Lankford? I don't know. Out of the two, Lankford seems more relatable and down to earth. T.W. Shannon reminds me a little bit of Mary Fallin or George Bush. That's probably not a good thing. So yeah, go Lankford. Now excuse me while I go chug a bottle of Listerine.