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Oklahoma needs to clear its Internet search history…


A few days ago, the real estate clickbaiting website Estately published a list of what each state googles more than any other any other state. Sound dumb, pointless, non-scientific and confusing? Here's the explanation:

America’s fifty states have a lot in common, but if their internet search histories are any indication they also have significant differences. Estately ran hundreds of search queries through Google Trends to determine which words, terms, and questions each state was searching for more than any other. The results ranged from mildly amusing to completely disturbing. No doubt this information will come in handy for anyone trying to decide which state they want to buy a home in, especially for those curious how their potential neighbors spend their time online. The results on the map above are just the tip of the online search iceberg.

Yeah right, like someone's really going to take this stupid study into consideration when they're trying to figure out which state they want to move to. Of course, maybe they should. Check out Texas:

texas herpes

If you've ever pulled a Gravy Train or Chelsea and hooked up with someone during OU / Texas weekend, I apologize for the paranoia we just caused. I'm sure the itching was just a one time thing. Our neighbors in Kansas also have hypochondriac search tendencies:

kansas hoof and mouth

I've met several girls from Graham's over the years that suffered from hoof and mouth disease. It's not funny.

Although Oklahoma residents seem to know whether or not they have herpes and / or hoof and mouth, the most popular search engine results for Oklahoma are equally embarrassing. They have a distinct Derplahoman feel to them. Check it out:

advice god


Okay, this isn't that bad. Oklahoma has a lot of Christians, so it shouldn't be surprising that a lot of them are considering hopping on the yellow brick road of atheism. I heard it's an interesting concept. You get sleep in on Sundays, keep 15% more of your income, and live a moral, guilt free life. The only drawback is eternal damnation. It's a give and take.




The high ranking for Benghazi is courtesy of Oklahoma's Crazy Uncle Brigade. Each week they scour the Internet for the craziest, wildest Benghazi theories and then email them (along with photos of Barack Obama dressed like a muslim) to their unsuspecting nieces and nephews. According to the Oklahoma Policy Institute, 73% of all Oklahoma uncles are part of this club. The other 27% can't remember their Hotmail password.


wayne coyne miley cyrus

Miley Cyrus

I think we know who to blame for this one.


A noodling babe 1


I've never been noodling and never plan to. Sticking my hand into a deep, dark, murky, hole and waiting for something to bite is a little too homoerotic for my taste.



Obama Muslim

Once again, we get to blame the Crazy Uncle Brigade for this one.



Pat Robertson

If we were to ever give away an honorary Derplahoman award to a national figure, Pat Robertson would be an obvious choice. Maybe we should just wait for him to die and name the Derplahoman award after him.



PT Cruiser

Just like time travel and hitting every light on Broadway in Edmond, it's virtually impossible to look cool while driving a Defeatmobile. When a school bus pulls up next to you at a light, the kids don't laugh, point and snicker. They literally cry. Yes, they cry and they're doing it because they're so sad that a person is voluntarily driving this thing. They know you haven't had sex in years. You'd look cooler driving a Neon or kissing your cousin at the fair


Anyway, that's it for the Oklahoma search terms. Anyone surprised tornados and / or Emily Sutton didn't make the list?

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