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8 things we hope they teach in Mustang’s new Bible class…


The Mustang School District is trying out something new. No, it's not a new type of common core, grading system, or anal. They are introducing a class about the Bible. The curriculum was designed by The Museum of the Bible, which is one of the pet projects of the Hobby Lobby family.

Via The Associated Press:

A high school curriculum supported by Hobby Lobby chain president Steve Green, billed as a way to teach archaeology, history and the arts through Bible stories, also tells students God is always there in times of trouble and that sinners must "suffer the consequences" of disobeying.

The Mustang School Board in suburban Oklahoma City voted this month to place the Museum of the Bible's curriculum in its schools as an elective for a one-year trial after being assured that the intent is not to proselytize but to use the Bible to explain key principles in the arts and sciences.

Yep, don't worry you liberal "Freedom of Religion" folks. The purpose of this class is not to "proselytize." They simply want to teach the historic and cultural influence of a 2,000 year old religious book that was specifically written to proselytize entire civilizations. In other news, guys don't buy girls shots at City Walk to help their chances at getting laid. They do it for better conversation.

So, explain how this is going to work?

While the course does explain the inspiration behind famous works of art and holds a prism to historical events, it also endorses behavior for religious reasons and implies that bad things happen as a direct result of disregarding God's rules....

"This is not about a denomination, or a religion, it's about a book," Green told Mustang school board members last November. "We will not try to go down denominational, religious-type roads."

Among the topics covered by the curriculum are the role of religion in early America, discussing the New World as a haven for those seeking to escape religious persecution. It also talks about the role of religion in art, citing the role of patrons such as the Catholic church and wealthy families during the Renaissance.

Wow. They're going to teach how artists were forced to incorporate religious themes into their artwork to pacify the church and avoid retribution? That's neat. Anything else?

The book also uses popular culture, mentioning songs written by U2 that it says are based in the Psalms, to illustrate the Bible's modern relevance. It does not name specific compositions.

U2? Okay. I guess my favorite religious U2 song is Discotheque. Or maybe New Year's Day. Actually, screw U2. They should analyze My Own Prison by Creed instesd, and specifically why God allowed Creed to even exist.

Anyway, since I don't really know a lot about the Bible or religion, I consulted with our house biblical scholar Spencer to come up with a list of things we hope the teach in the new high school bible class. Here are a few:


1.) Let people kick your ass

Remember the verse, "an eye for an eye?" People love to use it to justify things like executions or any other type of retribution, but they seemed to omit the next verse, "But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also the other cheek." In the Old Testament they actually used "eye for an eye" judgement, but Jesus was referencing this and saying forgiveness is the better route. I'm guessing he meant it seeing as how the Son of God let men execute him. If God were my father and some dudes tried to kill me, let's just say there would be a crater in the Earth were they used to be. - Spencer


judge wapner

2.) How to properly judge others

"Judge not, lest ye be judged." People love to throw this one out there when someone is judging someone at a community college talent show, but like most verses, people use this one out of context. As you can find many times in the Bible, Jesus tells his followers to judge and rebuke each other. Check out Matthew 7:1-5 and you'll see that Jesus is talking about lying to yourself and being a hypocrite. So go out there and judge others, just don't be a dick about it! - Spencer


fake tip

3.) Tip 10% at restaurants

What's the difference between a church goer and a canoe? Canoes tip! - Leviticus 12:43

Seriously, is there some passage in the bible the discourages tipping? If so, can they remove that part like the did the stuff about Jesus' wife? - Patrick



4.) Jesus was passive aggressive

Remember in Matthew when Jesus is hungry and comes upon a fig tree without any figs, so he curses it and it dies? Well, that's the reason we have Fig Newtons. Thanks Jesus. - Spencer



5.) All Homosexuals go to hell

As Jesus famously said about homosexuality, "... ... ..."

OK, Jesus actually never said anything about homosexuals. You can find some stuff in the Old Testament or referenced by Paul, but Jesus was too busy talking about the redistribution of wealth and economic justice, like a godless socialist. - Spencer


joleen chaney emily sutton earthquake shark

6.) Fracking will bring about the end of days!

In Matthew 24:6-7 Jesus says, "And you shall hear of wars and rumors of wars. See that you are not troubled; for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet. For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. And there will be famines, pestilences, and earthquakes in various places." We have wars, famines, pestilence AND finally earthquakes! That must mean Jesus is coming back! I'm just kidding, Jesus was talking about the Temple in Jerusalem in this verse, not the end of the world. Sorry. - Spencer


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7.) Marijuana is okay

One of the few things I know about the bible is that marijuana use is apparently fine. From this website:

God said, "Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed which is upon the face of all the earth.…To you it will be for meat." … And God saw everything that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. (Genesis 1:29-31) The Bible predicts some herb's prohibition. "Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times, some shall … speak lies in hypocrisy … commanding to abstain from meats which God hath created to be received with thanksgiving of them which believe and know the truth. (Paul: 1 Timothy 4:1-3)

Okay, so maybe that's a reach, but then again, so is saying U2's music was based on Psalms. - Patrick


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8.) Everything you do is adultery

Have you been divorced and remarried? Adultery. Have you had some sex? Adultery. Have you thought about sex? Adultery. Have you ever said, "This pizza is better than sex"? Adultery. Of course, these rules come from the Old Testament, which is unreasonable and should only be viewed as a historic text, otherwise no one is going to heaven. - Spencer

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