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Ogle Madness VII: First Round, West (Upper Bracket)

8:00 AM EDT on March 20, 2014

The real March Madness begins today. Before we continue, pour a little bit out of whatever you're drinking for the old Varsity Sports Grill near 63rd and Western. God, I loved the place. Forcing them to close was probably the worst thing Aubrey McClendon did at Chesapeake. The food was average, the TVs were old, and the waitresses were not hot, but that little pit area with all the TVs was the best place to ever to watch four NCAA tournament games at one time.

Back in the day (a.k.a. early to mid 2000s), my friends and I would take vacation days and get there at 10:00am to snag a couple of tables in the pit. This was our routine: drink, watch basketball, drink, eat, drink, watch basketball, drink, rip apart our brackets, drink, and when the afternoon games ended at around 4:00pm, play some pool or Buck Hunter. When the late games tipped off at 6:30, we'd generally try to extend the binge into the evening. That never worked out well.

Anyway, sorry for that bit of nostalgia. Here are today's match-ups:

(1) Joleen Chaney vs. (16) Pooping Tom

(8) Wes Welker vs. (9) Video Vigilante

(4) Non-Chunky Thunder Girls vs. (13) OKC Seahawks

(5) Mayor Mick Cornett vs. (12) Mary Fallin

Vote on!

(1) Joleen Chaney vs. (16) Pooping Tom

joleen chaney pinkdress

(1) Joleen Chaney

Conference: Super Hot Local Newsanchors

Who She Is: Anchor for KFOR News Channel 4

Biggest Strength: Easy on the eyes.

Biggest Weakness: Is married to a cop.

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Kenneth Webster Enlow

(16) Pooping Tom

Conference: Disgusting People

Who He Is: Guy who hid under porta potty toilet to catch a glimse of god knows what.

Biggest Strength: Clearly doesn't give a f-ck.

Biggest Weakness: Affinity for chili.

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(8) Wes Welker vs. (9) Video Vigilante

Wes Welker

(8) Wes Welker

Conference: Some Damn Sports Fella

Who He Is: Some Guy

Biggest Strength: Catching passes

Biggest Weakness: Except on critical third downs in the Super Bowl

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video vigilante

(9) Video Vigilante

Conference: Weirdos

Who He Is: Guy Who Ambushes Unsuspecting People as They Bang Hookers

Biggest Strength: Turned fetish into paying gig.

Biggest Weakness: Restaurant reviews.

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(4) Non-Chunky Thunder Girls vs. (13) OKC Seahawks

thunder girl chelsea

(4) Non-Chunky Thunder Girls

Conference: Ex-Girlfriends

Who They Are: Thunder Girls

Biggest Strength: Making poms poms sexy

Biggest Weakness: Most are married or have boyfriends.

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oklahoma city seahawks original

(13) OKC Seahawks

Conference: Things That Get OKC Excited

What It Is: Amazing Pipe Dream of Things That Will Never Happen

Biggest Strength: Plausible.

Biggest Weakness: Not Possible.

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(5) Mayor Mick Cornett vs. (12) Mary Fallin

mick-cornett-283x300

5) Mayor Mick Cornett

Conference: Amazing Mayors

Who He Is: Four Term Mayor of Oklahoma City

Biggest Strength: Getting elected

Biggest Weakness: Befriending the Red Dirt Report

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398px-Mary_Fallin_official_110th_Congress_photo

(12) Mary Fallin

Conference: Politicians

Who She Is: Governor of Oklahoma

Biggest Strength: Making muppets look full of life

Biggest Weakness: Obeying open records laws

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