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Survival of the Fittest: Channel 25 will do anything for ratings

2:02 PM EDT on March 13, 2014


As we know, the religion of evolution is a controversial topic in Oklahoma. And it should be. The easy to prove wrong theory is full of lies, deception and makes no sense at all. Do you really believe humans evolved from apes that saw a black monolith in front of cave millions of years ago? Yeah right.

Channel 25 protected innocent Oklahomans from this blasphemous scientific "theory" forced upon us by evil liberal scientists with an agenda by editing out a brief mention of human evolution during Sunday night's broadcast of Cosmos. By "editing out," I mean they replaced his ludicrous beliefs with a promo for the Fox 25 News at 9.

From The Raw Story:

In what appeared to be an editing error, a Fox affiliate in Oklahoma managed to remove the only mention of evolution from Sunday night’s Cosmos science documentary by cutting only 15 seconds from the broadcast.

The much-anticipated reboot of Carl Sagan’s legendary Cosmos premiered on Sunday with an overview of the history of the Universe, from the Big Bang to the advent of humans.

It wasn’t until the last 10 minutes of the show that host Neil deGrasse Tyson hinted at human evolution...

For viewers of KOKH-TV in Oklahoma City, that 15 second paragraph was replaced by an awkwardly-inserted commercial for the evening news.

First of all, I apologize for my intro. I thought I was ghostwriting a newspaper column for science-hating Oklahoma legislator Josh Breechen! You see, I was trying to impress his hot wife and, well, it won't happen again. My bad.

Here's a clip of the incident. It is kind of funny / awkward:

Obviously, there are a lot of conspiracy theories floating around about this. Here are three of them:

1. Channel 25 has incompetent employees with really bad timing. This is the one Channel 25 is pushing on Twitter. It's the same thing I'm hearing through the Ogle Mole Network. It seems plausible, but it doesn't past the B.S. smell test. There has to be more to this, right?

2. Channel 25 didn't want to offend conservative Derplahoman viewers by teaching evolution. This is the most popular theory, but I don't really buy it. Remember, Degrasse's evolution reference came during a science show that basically makes sweet love to the Big Bang. If a Derplahoman had their television tuned to program where an African-American scientist was explaining the mysteries and wonders of a godless universe, they were probably either a) asleep or b) Josh Breechen screaming and yelling in his living room.

Seriously, Derplahomans watch shows about science about as often as scientists watch Joel Osteen beg for money. I should know because I was once married into a Derplahoman family. I'll never forget the time I was watching a NOVA episode on the ancient fish species Coelacanth at my now ex-in-laws' house. The rare species hasn't evolved in over 400-million years or something. My father-in-law walked into the living room, saw what I was watching, the grabbed the remote and said "We didn't come from fish." 5-seconds later, we were watching a "First 48" marathon.

3. Channel 25 is desperate for viewers. If I had to pick one of the three theories, this would be it. Think about it. Let's say you operate and manage the 4th rated newscast in the Oklahoma City metro. How could you get your name and brand out there to all the conservative viewers in town and get a little ratings boost? I know! Run a sweeps story that the end times are coming! Wait, News 9 already did that. Since that's the case, how about by placing a news promo over the only mention of human evolution in popular series about the creation of the universe? As we've seen over the past 48 hours, that will generate a bunch of buzz that I'm sure the Derplahomans who populate this state will appreciate. I bet the Oklahoma Legislature is working on a resolution to praise Channel 25 as we speak.

Thanks for reading!

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