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The curious case of the News 9 reptile tortilla…


Over the past year or so, we've been witnessing the buzzfeedification of our local news media.

Gone are the days when news directors, producers and reporters only cared about TV ratings and haircuts. Now they're in a constant search for the next bizarre news story with a clickable headline that will be shared on 20,000 Facebook pages, make the front page of Reddit or Yahoo, and possibly even CNN. Basically, they're all trying to hit viral paydirt.

That's obviously what News 9 was trying to accomplish when they went with this unusual and ultimately disappointing story about the world's most fucked up tortilla.

The mystery inside a tortilla bag bought at an Oklahoma City Walmart is sparking a food company investigation of sorts. producer Matthew Nuttle decided against making a quesadilla lunch Monday after finding what appears to be the body of a lizard in one of his tortillas. The mystery passed quality control all the way from Georgia-based Ole Mexican Foods to a store shelf in Oklahoma City.

"As soon as I saw it, I thought it was mold," said Nuttle. "Then I could tell it was raised up, and it looked like it had scales on it."

Nuttle is still asking, "what is it!?" News 9 cut into the object -- but questions still linger. A picture of the tortilla was sent to Ole Mexican Foods.

First off all, let's take a look at this... thing:

snake tortilla

Okay, that is disgusting. It looks like either a dead reptile, elephant booger or Dean Blevins' brain. If it's any one of those things, Channel 9 has a huge story on their hand.

In a statement, the company says in part, "based on the picture ... we can conclude that a piece of dry dough from the previous production run was somehow released from the production line and packed all together with the fresh tortillas."

Heh, that's a let down. Just to mess with them, Ole should have responded to News 9 with something like this:

• Yeah, that's a lizard. What would it take to not let anyone know about this?• Uhm, did you hear about the guy from Georgia that got his dick cut off?• We're not crazy, but I think that was put in their by a star ship or spaceship. We have the personal experience. Haven't you seen V?

Anyway, finding out that's just a piece of dry dough is like getting stuck in traffic and thinking you're going to see a big accident only to discover it's a dude in a stalled car. Here's how News 9 tried to save face. They go with the uncertainty route:

Regardless, Ole Mexican Foods says it will send Nuttle a prepaid envelope to send the tortilla package to Georgia for an independent inspection. The take, though, that the object is just dough is drawing critics, including those who saw it up close in the News 9 newsroom:

"It just kind of … leaves a bad taste in your mouth," Nuttle said. "Pardon the pun."

Nuttle says he will start buying another brand of tortillas.

Here's a pic of the insides:

inside snake tortilla

Remember back in the good old days when a journalistic entity would find out all the details to a story before filing a report? That way they didn't waste our time with pandering B.S? Yeah, I don't either, but I'm sure those were some swell times.

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