Skip to Content
Everything Else

The Satanists have unveiled the designs for their Capitol monument. Derplahomans are not happy.

satanic temple oklahoma

Yesterday, the New York-based Satanic Temple unveiled designs for the monument (pictured above) they want to place at the Oklahoma State Capitol. Because it features children, a horned goat devil named Baphomet, and looks like something the goth kid in high school would draw in Art II, it made national news.

From The National Journal:

The Satanic Temple on Monday formally submitted its designs for a monument it wants erected at the Oklahoma Capitol. The display has been crafted to "complement" a Ten Commandments monument that already resides on the north side of Oklahoma City's Capitol building. The Ten Commandments display was spearheaded by state Rep. Mike Ritze, a Republican representing Oklahoma's 80th District, and approved by the conservative-led Legislature in 2009.

"The statue will serve as a beacon calling for compassion and empathy among all living creatures," wrote Lucien Greaves, a spokesman for the Satanic Temple. "The statue will also have a functional purpose as a chair where people of all ages may sit on the lap of Satan for inspiration and contemplation."

The monument is intended to celebrate constitutional values of religious freedom and free expression, according to Greaves, who called Satanism a "fundamental component at the genesis of American liberty."

The proposed monument features a 7-foot-tall Baphomet, a goat-headed creature which is sometimes used as a stand-in for Satan. The demon's lap, flanked by a smiling child on each side, will double as a seat for visitors. The back of the stone slab will display a passage from Lord Byron's dramatic work, Cain, that reads:

Then who was the Demon? HeWho would not let ye live, or he who wouldHave made ye live forever, in the joyAnd power of Knowledge?

Satanists first wrote to the Oklahoma City Capitol Preservation Commission expressing their desire to donate a monument in November; they've raised more than $8,000 on Indiegogo to help pay for the monument. The group hopes to raise $20,000 by Jan. 17. "We trust that this unique monument will also prove a favorite tourist attraction for Oklahoma's Capitol for years to come," Greaves said.

At first I was against this thing, but screw it, my love for brilliant satire totally trumps my strong belief in a separation between the church and the state. They need to get to work on this thing immediately! Not only would it be a great tourist attraction, but the statement it makes regarding state favored religion is way more powerful than any lawsuit that forces the 10 Commandments monument to come down.

That being said, the statue needs some work. You can tell that it was dreamed up by some liberal New Yorkers who have never been to Oklahoma. It needs to be redesigned to more accurately depict our state's heritage and culture. For example, they should:

• Put a large cowboy hat on Baphomet's head.

• Place pistol in his right hand and a bible in the other.

• Replace the throne with a Rascal scooter.

• Remove the kids' shoes, make their clothing more tattered, and place a napping DHS agent at Baphomet's feet.

• Make the boy look a little less like Barack Obama, and the girl look a little less like Hillary Clinton. Unless, of course, the Satanists are trying to suggest Obama and Clinton both made deals with the Devil at a very young age. If that's the case, leave it alone and you just may get this monument approved.

Because they don't comprehend satire, the Derplahoman's are totally freaking about this whole thing. They don't understand it's basically a joke and publicity stunt. They literally think that some evil devil worshipers from New York want to build a monument in Oklahoma that seriously honors the king of Hades. Just take a look at a few of the 1,500 comments left on News 9's Facebook page. Most of the Derplahoman comments fell into three groups: Scholars, Jesus Freaks and Vigilante BuckWilds.

Check them out:

jesus freak 2


buckwild derp


jesus freak derp


scholar derp


buckwild 4


buckwild 3


buckwild derp 2


jesus freak 3


jesus freak 4


Screen Shot 2014-01-07 at 9.39.29 AM


jesus freak


jesus freak 5


jesus freak 6


scholar derp 2


Once again, that's just a small sampling of the comments. To check out all of them, including some of the funny retorts by evil Devil worshipers (a.k.a. rational people and Christians who comprehend satire and the separation of church and state), go to News 9's Facebook page.

Stay in touch

Sign up for our free newsletter