2013 Year in Review: July
9:49 AM EST on December 24, 2013
July's number 1 one song was "Blurred Lines" by the guy's son who is singing in the video above. The super NSFW Blurred Lines video is here. I bet Robin's dad had something to say about that video. "Y'know in my day we didn't need gorgeous naked ladies walking around. We sang about aerobics and had dancers wearing aerobic clothes. It was a simpler time. I mean, yeah, it was still a coked out sexist mess, so...never mind. Your video is the same thing."
Vote for your favorite July story!
6. Derplahomans are trying to kill the Oklahoma Standard
What We Said: "According to most of the Derps, the last thing this city and state needs to do is properly warn our 42,000 Spanish-speaking residents about life or death emergency situations. These “Mexicans” should either learn to read, speak and comprehend English (including all meteorological terms) or be left to fend for themselves when a deadly tornado strikes."
What We Learned: Some Oklahomans sure do hate people who speak in a different language than most. "You're in 'Merica so learn the language!" is the argument used by morons. Want to speak the native language of this land? Guess it's time for you to learn one of thousands of languages used by the Indians, stupid.
Fun Fact: Empathy apparently knows one language and that language is English.
Best Comment: "According to the test scores, many Oklahomans don’t speak English either."- The Anti-Ogle
5. @DanGordon is no longer mayor of Samuel Gordon Jewelers on #FourSquare
What We Said: "We alluded to this earlier today, but we have recently learned that local verified Twitter addict Dan Gordon is out as the president of his family’s jewelry business Samuel Gordon Jewelers. We know this because he spammed his resume to apparently everyone in Oklahoma City who has an email address."
What We Learned: Dan's a good guy and now has a sweet new job in another state selling expensive shiny rocks and he's back on Twitter again so all is right with the world.
Fun Fact: People love their shiny rocks. Bunches.
Best Comment: "The easiest way to not make The Lost Ogle is not do anything that would put you on The Lost Ogle. For example, don’t be a public figure who works for a local family business, unexpectedly leave that business, and then randomly email your long ass résumé to thousands of people."- Patrick
4. Some old man went all Gran Tourino at Lake Thunderbird
What We Said: "You politely ask a group of young people to turn down their offensive rap music that’s been bothering you for weeks, they allegedly attack you over it, and then yada yada yada, blah blah blah, you send two of the attackers to the hospital with the help of a box knife that you were for some reason carrying. And golly shucks, you can’t remember any of it because you blacked out. That’s fine, though, because according to KFOR you are the innocent victim."
What We Learned: Old people hate rap music. That's a good thing to remember the next time you're around an old man with a box knife and poor reasoning skills.
Fun Fact: Claiming you've got poor memory and frequent blackouts is a great way to get away with cuttin' up some young folks for no reason other than that "damned loud music".
Best Comment: "So he got beat by 3 young people and has no injuries yet he was able to knife them and send them to the hospital?" Max
3. 46 Reasons Oklahoma is F*cking Awesome Part 1 and Part 2
Published: 07/01/2013, 07/02/2013
What We Said: "Anyway, with this being a holiday week and everything, we decided it would be fun to compile our own list of 46 Reasons Why Oklahoma is F*cking Awesome. It’s probably worse than the BuzzFeed list, but at least it was compiled by people who were born here, live here and will likely die here."
What We Learned: There's way more than 46 reasons this state is awesome. I can think of at least 48. Probably 50 if I tried. Wait. Are we including the Oklahoma women folk? Oh. Then hundreds of reasons. Thousands.
Fun Fact: I apparently like to use the phrase "women folk".
Best Comment: "Dana Plato retired here…sort of."- Mack Truck
2. The Oklahoma Sports Radio Landscape is about to change
What We Said: "Tyler Media is switching 107.7 KRXO from a classic rock format to local sports talk radio in August. The new station will air OU football, NFL games and has already poached regional radio curmudgeon Mike Steely from the Sports Animal."
What We Learned: Nothing white guys love more than listening to other white guys talk about sports.
Fun Fact: All staff pictures for The Franchise were taken by Deb in Napoleon Dynamite's house.
Best Comment: "Too bad there isn’t any place for news radio in this burg."- Rawhead Rex
1. Breaking News: Gary England is leaving News 9
What We Said: "Via an internal News 9 email, we have learned that Gary England’s final broadcast will be on Friday, August 30th. At that point, Lord England will accept a new role as “Vice President for Corporate Relations and Weather Development” for Griffin Communications. He will be replaced by David “Scream Chamber” Payne."
What We Learned: We really miss Gary.
Fun Fact: Nothing. There's not one damn thing "fun" about this.
Best Comment: "We’re screwed."- Mannix
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