Although they can be irritating at times – like when they cut you off in traffic or vote for draconian legislation – I kind of like stupid people. Not only do they help boost your self-esteem, but they always provide good material. Hell, without people hiding in toilets, guitar cases or Old Navy, I'm not sure this website would even exist.
I bring this up because some lady in Tahlequah was scammed out of money when she tried to buy a monkey on the Internet.
Cherokee County sheriff’s deputies took a report this week about the attempted purchase of a monkey that was later determined to be a case of fraud.
Tracy Hutchinson said she tried to purchase a monkey and sent one payment through Western Union. A couple more payments were eventually made, but Hutchinson now believes the deal was just a scam.
That sucks. I'm sure we've all been scammed at one time or another. Fortunately for Tracy, I know a guy in Nigeria who is desperately needing to get $30,000,000 out of the country. He made his fortune selling Viagra on the internet. If she helps him, it would be an easy way to get back the money she lost in the monkey scam. I should have my barrister send her an email.
If that doesn't work, maybe we can get a Mole in Ada to steal a monkey for her. They still have the monkey park, right? Or did it close? Regardless, I'm sure a petrified tree or Pre-Paid Legal Insurance will work.
Oddly enough, this wasn't even the best thing in the Tahlequah police blotter. They also had some national breaking news:
In other matters, Billy Jameson reported a lost wedding ring this week.
David Ortiz reported the theft of medication.
That confirms it. David Ortiz was juicing during the playoffs. That makes sense. Tahlequah is the state's number one supplier of HGH. I heard it grows in the Illinois River thanks to all the poultry waste from Arkansas.
In addition to a great police blotter, the Tahlequah Daily Progress is home to some of the most comprehensive and detailed newspaper polling in the country. They don't monkey around with it. Check out this gem:
When you give people five very detailed and thorough responses, do you really need an "Undecided?" And if you were undecided, why would you even click? Here are the current results.
If you for some reason made it this far, please go to the Tahlequah Daily Progress and vote "undecided." That seems like a fun trolly thing to do on a Friday. When the editors see the results, they'll be more confused than a lady trying to buy a monkey on the internet.