Earlier this week, The Video Vigilante took a break from eating BBQ and published an expose on a Chickasha "happiness consultant" who posed for nude pics and allegedly had sex inside a UPS truck in Oklahoma City (pic above):
A Oklahoma prostitute apparently had a ‘date’ with a United Parcel Service (UPS) driver and just couldn’t wait to post the resulting photographs online.We’ve all heard the marketing slogan, “What can brown do for you?” – well, apparently they can have sex in a truck full of your holiday gift giving…..Yesterday morning a woman, who identifies herself as ‘Mary Ann,’ posted a bear-chested selfie in a UPS shirt in the back of a UPS delivery truck with the following caption…Because here at JohnTV our sources, snitches, moles and R&D are on alert 24/7 we can, with a reasonable amount of certainty, say we have identified ‘Mary Ann’ as a previously charged (and still on probation) prostitute named Tiffany Fay(e) Hawkins, 38, of Chickasha.
Wait a second. The Video Vigilante described his informants as "moles?" I know we didn't invent the term, but haven't we earned a local trademark on it by now? The Video Vigilante needs to get his own word for the hookers, street pimps, attorneys, hustlers and enemies of Wes Lane that feed him with inside information. I'd suggest "Junior Vigilantes," "Bate's Boys" or "Campfields."
For some reason, Mr. Vigilante's expose got the attention of News 9. They "investigated" the news like it mattered:
A UPS spokesperson said the company is outraged after a photo surfaced revealing one of its metro drivers had a sexual encounter in the back of a delivery truck.A woman posted the racy picture online.News 9 spoke with Susan Rosenberg, a spokesperson at the UPS corporate office, who said this is grounds for termination and the company wants to track down the driver immediately.The picture showed a bare-chested woman in a UPS shirt and it was posted last week on a personal website by an Oklahoma City area woman who calls herself Mary Ann, a happiness consultant.The caption says, "Look at my naughty time from yesterday.""What really shocked me is that a driver would put himself in this position, no pun intended, and then allow the pictures to be posted publicly," said Brian Bates, founder of JohnTV.com.Bates got a hold of the pictures and wrote about them on his website, which exposes prostitution in OKC.The picture had already been removed from the website at the time of this article.
First of all, who cares if a UPS driver had sex with a "happiness consultant" in the back of his truck. If News 9 really wanted to serve their viewers, they'd investigate why UPS drivers are such assholes. Just because you drive an ugly brown truck doesn't mean you own the road and can double park anywhere you want. Also, what's up with ringing my doorbell and then running away as quickly as possible? Are you so busy that you can't wait 5-seconds for me to open the door and say "Hey, my Zappos shoes have arrived! Thanks!"
Know what else is kind of irritating? We post pictures of scantily clad girls all the time and Channel 9 never gives us an ounce of credit. Then the Video Vigilante finds a picture of a topless prostitute in a UPS uniform and they send the entire newsroom out on the trail. Hello! We're here, too. Just look at all these other pictures we found of hot UPS girls in uniform:
See, those pics are much better than the one discovered by the Video Vigilante. Of course, those are just random photos I found on the Internet. News 9 probably doesn't care about them. I guess I should start spending all my free time scouring escort services websites and videotaping John's with street hookers. If I do that, the local media will probably give us the respect we deserve.