Steve Lackmeyer is a regular punching bag around these parts, but the truth is he's a pretty nice guy. You probably know him best from his popular Twitter account, his well-publicized love affair with tall buildings, and his NewsOK blog, OKC Pangloss. But did you know that in his former life, he was also a movie critic? Not just a movie critic, actually, but a DVD (and before that, VHS) critic. I guess he was the critic for people too lazy to actually go see movies in the theater.
I have to confess I didn't remember his stint in this role until I accidentally stumbled on one of his old reviews while looking for something else in the Oklahoman's archives. I thought it would be fun to go back and look at some of his old columns to find out if he was better at judging movies than Dino Lalli.
I will begin by mocking Steve Lackmeyer. This may seem harsh, but the truth is that he's asking for it. I mean he is literally asking us to do it. In this 2006 review praising "The Best of Donny and Marie" Osmond, Steve three different times says "Mock me now." Well, Steve, if you insist...
I wish more than anything that video existed of Steve singing along to "Little Bit Country/Little Bit Rock and Roll" in his living room.
I don't generally think of Steve Lackmeyer as a namecaller, but it turns out there is one thing that makes him really mad: not liking his Dirty Dancing DVD. Check out Steve calling an Entertainment Weekly reporter an "idiot" for not liking the Dirty Dancing DVD.
Let me just say that I am one of those annoying stereotypical guys that loves The Big Lebowski. It is probably my favorite movie of all time, I've seen it dozens of times, I quote it all the time. I've even had discussions with people about having a Lebowski-fest in OKC. So with that background, let it be known that I consider this to be without a doubt the worst thing Steve Lackmeyer has ever written. I briefly considered unfollowing him on Twitter the first time I read it.
Fortunately for The Oklahoman, they did have someone with better taste reviewing Lebowski when it came out. Jerry Shottenkirk took a break from cashing his exacta tickets at the betting window long enough to give it four stars.
Okay, so maybe The Big Lebowski just isn't Steve Lackmeyer's cup of tea. That's all right, it's not for everyone. But what does he like? The answer to that question is Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.
Wow! A Steve Lackmyer rave review of Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. I'm not sure if that's worse than the Lebowski review or not. My favorite part is how he tries to throw his co-worker Bryan Dean under the bus with him. Sorry, Steve, that's not going to stick! Only one person has their name on this piece.
When he wasn't writing about magical pants, Steve also reviewed DVD's for dogs. Huh? As his review makes clear, this is not a DVD about dogs, it is a DVD for dogs.
WTF?! I don't know where to begin with this one. How about with his last paragraph. Here's a tip from a mediocre blogger: If the summary of your piece is "I'm not sure how to review a movie for dogs," I would think long and hard about not reviewing a movie for dogs.
Anyone who's followed Lackmeyer knows his antipathy for TV news. So you can bet that he liked Anchorman when it came out. It's a pretty standard review, except at the end of it he interviews Channel 9's Alex Cameron? I'm Ron Burgandy?
That was pretty funny, actually.
Finally, we come to what can only be described as the Steve Lackmeyer-iest review of all the Steve Lackmeyer reviews. The one in which he complains that more films don't feature architects.
Of course Steve Lackmeyer would write this. The Devon Tower actually had to take out a restraining order against the guy, so none of us should be surprised that the lack of architects in movies would bother him.
For me, it was kinda fun to go back and read through these. I think The Oklahoman should bring this column back. I'd love to know what Steve Lackmeyer thought of "The Bling Ring."
That's all for this week. Follow me on Twitter here, or else next week I'm just using this space to recap old Covey Bean fishing reports from 1994.