Three years after they first attempted a comeback – and apparently enjoyed plenty of "All You Can Eat" buffets – Color Me Badd has broken up.
I know what you're thinking. They tried to come back?
In June of 2010, Bryan Abrams (the lead singer and one who attacks women) partnered up with Mark Calderon (the Latino dude) to play a couple of shows in Hawaii and the Philippines where everyone still thinks it's 1991. The following year they added Kevin Thornton (the black dude with the deep voice), went on a State Fair-level club tour of the US, and then went back to Hawaii and the Philippines (I think). Sam Watters, the guy who was known by millions as "The dorky dude who looks like Kenny G," didn't take part in the reunion because he's smart and has enjoyed a successful post-CMB career as a Top 40 producer.
Not surprisingly, the tour and comeback wasn't very successful. According to my well placed sources, the group had three problems:
1. Most of the people who came out to the shows thought they were attending one of those annoying 5K fun runs where people throw glitter and colored powder on your face. Considering Bryan Abrams hasn't gone for a jog in years, that didn't work out well.
2. Color Me Badd's newer songs – "I Wanna Eat You Up," "I Adore Meatloaf A More," and "Feed Me Plankton (As I Float Through The Ocean)" – did not engage audiences.
3. The dorky dude who looks like Kenny G wasn't there. He was probably worried he'd catch a hypoactive thyroid from his band mates.
Okay, I made all that up and went a little heavy on the fat jokes. I know it's a low blow and that we've all gained weight over the past 20 years, but the fruit, or in this case, delicious fruit smoothies, was just hanging too low on the tree. Coming up with these jabs is like shooting Filet-O-Fish in a barrel of peanut butter.