Watch out lady who hid a gun in her vagina. Move over mom who attempted to sell her kids on Facebook. It looks like we have a new frontrunner for Oklahoma criminal mastermind of the year. His name is Kenneth Webster Enlow (pictured above). In case you somehow missed it, this real life Mr. Hanky was caught hiding in a septic tank in an attempt to peep on women as they used the bathroom.
Here's what I have to say about that:
From the "they are treating this story way too seriously" Tulsa World:
A Tulsa man who was arrested on allegations that he watched a woman and her 7-year-old daughter from underneath a White Water Park toilet near the Keystone Dam could face felony charges.
Kenneth Webster Enlow, 52, was arrested about 5 p.m. Sunday after being found covered in human waste inside the holding tank beneath a permanent outhouse at the park, which is west of Sand Springs.
The woman told sheriff’s deputies that she looked into the toilet and “saw the water move,” according to Enlow’s arrest report. “As she looked closer, she noticed that there was a man looking up at her,” the report states.
Enlow then sat in the tank for 15 minutes before police arrived, according to the report...
Enlow told deputies that he had been struck in the head with a tire iron by his girlfriend, who then drove him to the Keystone Dam and dumped him in the toilet, according to the arrest report.
In his arrest report, the woman who found him told deputies that Enlow did not begin to cry for help until after law enforcement officers arrived. Enlow stated that he had not asked for help earlier because he had been unconscious, the report says.
Keystone Fire Department firefighters got him out of the holding tank and cleaned him with a fire hose, the report says. He was then taken to the Oklahoma State University Medical Center in Tulsa to be examined.
So he blamed his tire iron wielding girlfriend? That's a weak excuse. He should have just been honest and told the cops the truth. You know, that he was shit-faced!
Okay, that was terrible. There are about 5,000 different bad jokes and puns out there and I went with one of the worst. At least I'm not the only person to do it. Since this story broke, it's gone viral in the news and on social media. Seriously, check Facebook right now. I guarantee you that one of your friends from high school has posted this story on their wall, and that someone has already left the comment "What a shithead." For what it's worth, five people probably liked that comment.
Instead of tossing out more bad jokes, puns and references to Shawshank Redemption or Trainspotting, I thought I'd focus on some random things you need to know about the case.
Here we go:
1. If you do anything today, watch the following video from KJRH. They interview the mom who saw that face of sadness looking up at her through the toilet.
Someone should start a support fund for that seven-year old girl. She's going to need years of therapy to use the bathroom again. Also, make sure nobody shows her the cheesy 1980s flick about the mutant alligator that lived in sewers of Chicago. That's all she needs. I watched that thing as a little kid and still haven't recovered.
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2. Here's a photo of the crime scene.
News on 6 has a pic of Enslow sitting on the ground after being rescued from the septic tank. I assume this photo was snapped after he was washed down by firefighters and scrubbed with Comet:
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3. This isn't the first time something like this has happened.
In 2011, Luke Chrisco pulled a similar stunt in Colorado. The only difference is that instead of choosing an Oklahoma lake, he classed it up and staked out a yoga festival. Here's the original Gawker report:
Police in Boulder are currently on the lookout for a man who was apparently hiding inside a porta-potty at last week's Hanuman Yoga Festival. Let that sink in for a second.
Yes, our suspect was inside, like, inside the infernal device. A female yoga enthusiast, who will likely need years of therapy, entered the portable toilet, only to notice "something was moving inside the tank when she lifted the lid," according to police spokeswoman Kim Kobel.
Naturally, she found someone else to double-check what could have been some kind of yogic hallucination. But he, too, saw our peeping, uh, John "inside the tank, covered in a tarp." And after the second witness left the porta potty, it mysteriously locked from the inside.
A security guard waited outside until the man emerged, shirtless, with "several cuts on his back and legs," wearing two leather bracelets. "The supervisor," Kobel told the press, "tried to detain the suspect, but he ran away, covered in feces."
Chrisco would eventually plead not guilty on grounds of insanity. I'm thinking our guy may do the same.
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4. The Tulsa media is trying to nickname Enlow "The Potty Peeper."
Unfortunately, that nickname was taken by the dude from Colorado. I think a good alternative would be "The Pooping Tom."
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5. As I mentioned, this story has been picked up by just about every media outlet.
A quick Google news search of "Peeping Tom Oklahoma" shows that 64 news outlets have picked up the story. My favorite headline came from the Sun:
Poo-covered toilet pervert caught spying on women
That sums it up nicely.
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6. Bill Simmons, who never turns down a chance to mock Oklahoma, tweeted about it:
I think that Drew Magary, who is kind of a poor man's Bill Simmons, summed it up nicely:
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Anyway, I think I've filled my weekly quota of researching and writing about a man who hid in a septic tank. As this story develops, we'll have all the shitty details. Sorry. Again.
