I'm still not sure what to think about KFOR's Lance West (pictured above). On one hand, he seems like a cool, funny and laid back dude. On the other, he's a little goofy and weird. I'd compare him to the co-worker you'd invite out to happy hour with your friends, only to learn that he drinks strawberry daiquiris and plays video poker.
Lance has made quite a name for himself over the years for producing weird, off-beat sweeps stories. He's swallowed swords, sipped his own urine, and I think one time even dressed up like a fat version of Mike Steely's ex-wife and flirted with Bob Barry Jr. These types of stories went on a hiatus when Lance was stuck in the purgatory known as the Freedom 43 Morning Show, but now that he's back in primetime they are starting to resurface.
The first one we noticed aired last week when Lance conducted a sophisticated experiment to see whether or not Oklahoma motorists are turtle killers. Turns out, we just like to kidnap and race the turtles in Crescent. This week, Lance decided to turn things up a notch and show first graders a videotape of Tim McVey's execution.Yep, it's good to have Lance back and in full form.
From a story called "Already Antiques:"
There are some inventions that will never be forgotten. The airplane, fire, electricity.
But in our never-ending quest for easier, smaller and faster, some of life’s greatest gadgets and gizmos are considered obsolete.
We recently assembled four of the best and brightest first graders from John Ross Elementary School in Edmond just to see if they’d recognize some of our greatest achievements.
Pearson, Anna, Ketch and Harper seem more than prepared for the challenge.
Lance: “Who can tell me what this is?”
Kids: {puzzled face}
Lance: “It’s called a VHS tape. Do you have any video tapes in your house? No!”
Well, video tapes may have gone the way of the [sic] dinasaur.
Here's the VHS tape Lance showed Pearson, Anna, Ketch and Harper:
Okay, so he didn't actually put the video in your grandparents old VCR and play it, but he did show the tape to the kids. See what I did there? Fooled you! I should work for a TV station.
Still, though, the questions here are endless. What is Lance West doing with an underground VHS copy of Timothy McVeigh's execution? Why is McVeigh spelled "McVey?" And most importantly, what is he doing showing the tape to first graders who hopefully can't read? Is that the only VHS tape he could find? Lance has kids. Was a "Barney and Friends" or "Land Before Time II" VHS not buried in his attic? Could he not have bummed an old "Strangers In Their Own Land" report from Linda Cavanaugh?
If you have answers or explanations to any of those questions, please let us know. In the meantime, here are some of my conspiracy theories:
1. He wants to get back at KFOR producers for making him do a stupid segment with kids. Unless they belong to you, kids are pretty damn annoying. Who cares what they think about typewriters and casette players. I bet Lance wanted to do something exciting and daring like drink water from the Oklahoma River, but the acting KFOR news director (probably Ashton Edwards) vetoed the idea and made Lance do a report with those little gremlins instead. As a form of protest, Lance then scribbled "McVey Execution" on a blank VHS for attention. If that's all true, it was a brilliant idea because it worked.
2. "McVey Execution" is what Lance used to label his old VHS porn collection. Once again, it's just a theory.
3. Tim McVey is the name of the plastic turtle Lance used for his previous sweeps story. RIP, little fella'.
H/T to Ogle Mole Kyle for the info...
