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Gypsies are invading Nichols Hills…

2:05 PM EDT on March 18, 2013

friday gypsy

Over the past week, both the OKC Friday and News 9 ran stories warning Nichols Hills residents that sneaky, slimy Gypsies may be targeting their super wealthy hamlet. Yes, "Gypsies." Not regular crooks, thieves or con-artists. Gypsies.

Since we rarely, if ever, get to quote something from the OKC Friday, here's their story:

Spring is quickly approaching -- and with it, the likelihood of the onslaught of traveling groups of criminals commonly referred to as gypsies.

Nichols Hills Police Chief Richard Mask said that in his 30 years of service to the city, very few springs have passed that gypsies haven’t invaded his affluent community. He said there are two groups that come to town: the “Roma” gypsies who are of the gypsy culture and criminals who use the same modus operandi as the cultural gypsies.

Thus, Mask said, they may look like the gypsies you see on reality television and they may not.

What usually happens is a carload of four or five people is dropped off in a neighborhood, he said.

“They will often knock on your door and ring the doorbell,” Mask said. “If no one answers in a reasonable amount of time, they try the door to determine if it is locked.”

“If it is unlocked, they enter and go straight to the master bedroom looking for jewelry or cash. They will often take the pillowcase from the bed to carry the stolen loot.”

In the event, a resident returns while the thief is in still in the home, the gypsy will make up a story about looking for their dog or being in the wrong house to meet a realtor.

“By the time the resident has time to react, the thief is gone,” Mask said.

Mask said the gypsies normally hit in broad daylight.

“True gypsies, I’ve never known to hit at night,” he said.

They usually are not violent.

“They are just after property and money,” Mask said.

He urged residents to “set alarms, keep doors locked and don’t let strangers in the front door.” Also, report any suspicious people to the police department at 843-5672.

Well, I guess that explains the tent village currently set up on the front lawn of the Waterford. I stopped by over the weekend and bought some silks, spices and magic crystals. According to one gypsy who read my palms, I am going to inherit millions of rupees some day and become a famous snake charmer. Also, I like how they dressed up the half-naked female statues as belly dancers. Hopefully, they'll get all the trash and donkey shit cleaned up before the Red Bud Classic starts in a few weeks.

If that seemed crude and offensive, I apologize. I'm just trying to fit in with the OKC Friday, Channel 9 and Nichols Hills Police Department and totally stereotype an entire ethnic and cultural group of people. Granted, I didn't go so far as to label them all as shady criminals looking to steal from the helpless rich folks, but even I have some standards.

Seriously, I'm obviously not the most political correct person in the world, but how do they get away with this? Why'd they have to label the crooks as Gypsies? There has to be a better name. Let's say there was an increased gang presence in the Village, would the Nichols Hills police issue a warning to residents to look out for Blacks, Mexicans, and Asians in souped-up Hondas? Probably not, because it would be considered racist, insensitive and cause an uproar. Plus, most Nichols Hills residents already keep a watchful eye out for those people. The police would simply be preaching to the choir.

Anyway, maybe the Nichols Hills police chief should watch My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding. I doubt it provides an accurate glimpse of Gypsy life (I haven't een it), but maybe he'll see they are real human beings and won't be so quick to label all of them as crooks and thieves. Also, he should watch the clip below. It's one of my favorite scenes from Borat:

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