As I'm sure you know, the Academy Awards were Sunday night. Jennifer Lawrence adorkably tripped and fell while collecting her Oscar, Quentin Tarantino toked in the bathroom during every other commercial break, the sour-looking chick from the vampire movies limped onstage with bruises on her arm, and everyone inexplicably hates Anne Hathaway now. But we're not here to discuss why Ben Affleck was overlooked in the directing category, or argue over Seth McFarlane's sense of humor. This is the Lost Ogle! We're here to cover the relevant things that Oscar night blessed us with--you know, the two famous hot Oklahoma girls who got to attend.
First, there's the oh-so bodacious Olivia Munn:
Is she even human? My fellow spicy half-Asian showed up to the Oscars wearing this post-coitus-Jessica-Rabbit-meets-Eqyptian-goddess-librarian Marchesa number. I swear, Olivia Munn could show up for events in a potato sack and a shaved head and she'd still be knock out gorgeous. She could grow a third boob like that scary girl in Resident Evil and you all would still want to do her. She's got the whole "I'm an outspoken nerd and a quirky outsider stuck in the body of an extremely hot woman" shtick down pat.
I have no idea what business Olivia Munn was attending to at the Oscars. She wasn't in any of the films nominated, she didn't present any of the awards, and I don't think she's dating George Clooney yet. Maybe she was supporting her on-screen booty call Channing Tatum--after all, he did have a somewhat significant role in the night's festivities. Maybe there was robot or martian or comic book convention going on nearby and she figured she'd make a cameo. Maybe she was just having a really good hair day and wanted the world to see her new outfit. I know this is the reason why I leave my apartment 65% of the time.
Also, check out what she wore to the Vanity Fair party:
I guess when your form is as luscious as that of Olivia Munn's, you can pretty much go anywhere and do anything you want and not have to bother answering silly questions.
Interestingly enough, one of the people asking those silly questions on the red carpet was Oklahoma's own pint-sized Thunder-loving chirpy-talking sprite, Kristin Chenoweth.
I'll refrain from discussing Kristin's chic top knot and the gorgeous detailing on her mermaid-style Tom Ward ball gown. We are the Lost Ogle and don't have time here for nonsense like haute couture and fashion trends. Instead, I'll state the obvious thing I know is running through all of your naughty little heads: dude, where's the cleavage?
I imagine that being put on the spot and forced to have conversations that will be immortalized in publications and follow you around for the entirety of your career is a somewhat difficult thing to do. I mean, I can barely speak to the cute guys I spot at the Dust Bowl, and I rarely even remember those interactions! So although this clip comes off as a little abrupt and awkward, remember that Kristin pulled this Boomer Sooner bit off the top of her pretty little head. Also, the last half hour before the Academy Awards began, ABC had exclusive red carpet access, which means all squinted eyes were on our girl K-Chen when this little smack down occurred. Check it out:
Oh Renee Zellweger--don't feel bad girl! If my eyes were practically sewn shut, I'd have a hard time feigning interest in the banal details of my alma mater's athletic program too. If I lived life with my eyes closed, I'd probably be rocking that same goofy hairdo to the biggest party of the year as well. If I were incidentally blind, I very possibly could have accidentally married Kenny Chesney. Maybe love shouldn't be such hard work. And, if I couldn't see who I was talking to or what I was doing, I definitely wouldn't have picked Colin Firth actually, that was a pretty good call on her part.
To close out the night, Kristin Chenoweth and Seth MacFarlane sang a little ditty about everyone who lost. The only clear video I could find you can watch here, but let me warn you: it's a link to Perez Hilton's website. Shh, don't worry, go ahead and check it out. I somehow tricked managed to get your through an entire post about red carpet fashion and cheap celebrity gossip. Your man card has already been revoked for today.
Follow Chelsea on Twitter at @xCawoodstock
