It looks like Channel 4 is already benefiting from the departure of their news director. Instead of breaking stories about dogs being hit by cars, they're sending Joleen Chaney to Chickasha to interview people about drunk men named Larry. Now that's the type of news we're looking for!
CHICKASHA, Okla. - One Oklahoma man’s trip to McDonald’s on his birthday landed him in jail.Police said 28-year-old Larry James Crawford was in the drive through, belligerent and cursing at the employees, because he said he thought his order was taking too long.That simple order turned into a scuffle with police and the birthday celebration ended with the birthday boy being tased.“Apparently he didn’t get his food fast enough,” Chickasha Police Major Elip Moore said. “I guess they were still working on his order but it wasn’t fast enough for him. So he was yelling obscenities.”Police said Crawford got out of the vehicle and began yelling at McDonald’s employees.Crawford is in jail; his mother had a different view of what happened that night.“I guess you can’t even go have a designated driver and go out and have some beer and play some pool on your 28th birthday,” she said.
Quick note to Larry's mom. Actually you can go out and have some beer and play pool on your 28th birthday. There's nothing wrong with that. The thing you can't do is act like an asshole and assault law enforcement officers:
Police said an officer drove by and noticed Crawford cursing and approached him.“The subject made the statement that he was going to fight and we better bring an army,” Moore said.The officer called for back up.“The subject refused the officers commands and actually resisted the efforts of the officers to have him step out of the vehicle,” Moore said. “He grabbed the seat belt and punched one of the officers in the chest.”...Crawford’s mother said her son waited 35 minutes for his drive thru order.
Serious question. Can we have a new set of rules and laws for people named "Larry?" Or at least make them pay higher taxes to compensate for the time they're probably going to spend in jail? If your name is Larry, I believe you're 75% more likely to drop out of high school, work maintenance for the city, and drink Busch beer. And if you're a Larry from Chickasha, those odds triple.
Anyway, a part of me kind of feels sorry for Larry. I think we're all ashamed to admit that we've probably waited too long in the McDonald's (or Taco Bell or What-A-Burger or Wendy's or Dunkin Donuts) drive thru after a fun evening out with friends on a Saturday night. I think we've also wanted to yell at employees to hurry up with our order, but were scared to do so because we didn't want them to spit in our food. Plus, we were too busy drunk texting. Don't drink and drive, drunk text or eat fast food at 2am. All those things are bad for you, Moles.