I learned some things over Thanksgiving Break. They are:
1. Partying four nights in a row is an awesome but terrible idea. Three days later, I still wake up with my mouth tasting like garbage water, and aggressively brushing my teeth makes me feel even more nauseous.
2. Battle of the Sexes is the stupidest game ever and was clearly written by a misogynist.
3. My cousin is a badass who renegotiated his ransom price and outsmarted the three bandits who kidnapped him in Brazil last month. Yep, just try to tell me that one of your relatives dropped a bigger bombshell than that at the Thanksgiving dinner table.
4. Rap battles don't actually happen in real life. In fact, if you casually mention them in conversation, Josh Sallee might will laugh at you and question your street cred.
5. Tulsa women lose their minds when it comes to discount lingerie and brand-name sweatpants. If you haven't seen it yet, this happened early Friday morning at Woodland Hills mall:
Wow! I don't even know what to say about this. Turbomen or Furbies or Tickle Me Elmos weren't even involved in this mayhem--just a bunch of weirdos looking for cheap hoodies. From News on 6:
One woman, who was in the crowd, called the experience a "complete nightmare." She said people were pushing and shoving, stopping at nothing to get their deal.
That deal? A hoodie from the store's "PINK" line, which normally would cost about $60, was on sale for $25.
And on top of that, shoppers who spent more than $65 got a free tote.
And contrary to rumors, nobody died or was injured in the ruckus, which is kind of sad when you think about. At least one person probably deserved to be seriously injured, right?
We reached out to Woodland Hills Mall, but they wouldn't comment beyond telling us that no one was injured and that no fights ensued from the incident.
Victoria's Secret told us they can't comment at this time.
Les Morris with Simon Property Group sent us the following statement:
"Contrary to earlier reports today on social media, there were no injuries of any kind when Victoria's Secret opened its doors early this morning at Woodland Hills Mall in Tulsa. There was a big crowd of eager customers waiting to enter this popular store but store personnel has confirmed to mall management that there was no fighting and no injuries."
Anyway, I guess you have to commend these ladies for their dedication. I wish I showed like, a quarter of the amount of enthusiasm for anything as bargain hunters do for Black Friday. Even my efforts to stalk Nick Collison lately have been pretty half-assed.
And fellas, you can probably weigh in on this subject better than I can, but are the kind of women who wake up at 3:30 am to stand in line and fight an unruly crowd for a pair of free underwear really the kind of chicks you'd like to see wearing Victoria's Secret goodies? That's what I thought. I can see a crazy train coming from a mile away. Girls who stampede into mall retailers are also probably the kind of girls who leave voicemail, DIY everything from hand soap to throw pillows, and Pinterest pictures of other people's children.