Machete-wielding man wanted in violent attackA man armed with a machete is on the loose after attacking a neighbor Wednesday morning near N.W. 50th St. and N. Portland Ave.Police said a 31-year-old man accused of stalking his ex-girlfriend vandalized a car outside her house on the 3800 block of N.W. 51st St.Neighbors said the man then drove his car into a house across the street.That’s when neighbor Randall Love intervened and was confronted with a machete.Covering his wound, Love described the moment his neighbor’s ex-boyfriend attacked him with the weapon.“He came down instantly with a double-handed machete sweep,” he said.The female victim didn’t want to go on camera but her brother, Mark Stout said this isn’t the first violent situation with the man.“I’m a little scared of the guy,” he said. “I just hope the police will do their job and put him away.”Stout identified the suspect as Michael Rogers (also known as Jasper Zan), however police do not have a warrant out for his arrest and he has not been charged with any crime at this time.
Eh, no big deal right?Well, this story is waaaaaaaaay more disturbing than a "typical" machete attack. See the picture up there? That's not some lonely emo kid dressed up as a mass murdering Marilyn Manson fan for Halloween. That's the guy. He posted that pic on his Facebook Page and is wearing the same damn mask he wore when he drove by his ex-girlfriend's house at 2:00am while armed with a machete!
But the story gets worse. Check out the YouTube video Machete Man — his name is Jasper Zan — posted while hiding in the woods after the attack. The clip was "removed by user" a couple of hours later, but KFOR snagged a copy before it was deleted. Here it is:
If you feel like hiding underneath a blanket, calling a loved one, or turning on every light in your house right now, that's okay. I don't blame you. Of course, you may want to check out a few photos from Jasper Zans' Facebook page before you do:
Wow, that guy is on the loose in Oklahoma City. It was nice knowing all of you. I don't even think Sweet Brown can save us from him. Actually, I bet she can. Wouldn't that be kind of awesome? I'd pay $100 to watch them fight. Hell, we could even give them weapons. Sweet Brown would be armed with ice-cold pops and a fire extinguisher while The Crow or whatever he is could have the machete and pickaxe. I'd put my money on Sweet Brown. Everybody would have time for that!
Few other thoughts:
• According to our Moles, the police aren't aggressively looking for this guy. And yeah, I'm being totally serious. I was going add a lame punchline to the end of that sentence like "they were busy getting BJs at a 7-11" or "waiting for Batman to rescue them," but then I figured you wouldn't believe me.
• On a positive note, the new open carry law goes into effect today. At least we have that going for us.
• I think Jasper took the third pic while listening to Regular Jim Traber.
Anyway, if you see some guy walking down your street wearing a black trench coat and weilding a machete and pickaxe like the Three Musketeers, don't yell "Hey My Chemical Romance! Halloween was yesterday!" Run away and call 911 instead. Godspeed.