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Hey ladies, stay away from tainted black market tampons

10:32 AM EDT on September 6, 2012

I've written enough posts on this site over the past five years to know that criminals will steal, eat, cut, snort, shoot, assault, defile and kill just about anything. Because of that, I wasn't surprised to learn that someone has stolen 16,000 cases of tainted tampons that were on their way to Oklahoma.

Gross, huh? From NBC 5 in DFW:

Kimberly-Clark Corp. says thieves have stolen and sold some rejected tampons that may pose a health risk if used.

The Dallas-based company said 16,000 cases of the Kotex Natural Balance Security Tampons failed an inspection test and some tested positive for things like increased levels of bacteria, the presence of metallic particles or imperfect raw materials.

Kimberly-Clark Corp. Spokesman Bob Brand the company sent the tainted tampons to a company in Oklahoma to be destroyed, but somewhere along the way thieves stole the cases and sold them to retailers.

Brand said so far, the company hasn’t received any complaints from consumers, but they want to keep it that way.

"We have no idea how the product was shipped or stored once it was stolen, so we're advising people not to use it at all. We consider it all unsafe," Brand said.

In all honesty, I'm really not sure what to write here. I just don't know a lot about tampons. I know that I feel awkward when I accidentally walk down that tampon aisle at Buy For Less and that your Grandma probably calls them feminine napkins and that Paul Folger is blushing right now, but that's about it.

Anyway, I guess if you're a lady who buys Kotex Natural Balance Tampons on the black market, be careful. You probably don't want to put something tainted so close to your...yeah, I'm not going there.

Also, was anyone else aware that Oklahoma was home to a tainted tampon destruction center? I wasn't. In a perfect world, the processing plant would be in Beaver, but the world isn't perfect. I bet it's in El Reno.

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