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Worst of OKC: Thing about Oklahoma City

4:00 AM EDT on August 31, 2012

This is the last day of our 2012 Worst of OKC. I know you're sad to see it go. God knows I'm not. Mostly because today is the day Patrick let's me go. He holds all of us hostage in his "Writin' Shack." He's a weird one, that guy.

So relish this vote because this will be the most important thing you vote on this year. Yes. The MOST important.

Liquor Laws

When I went to CA I was reminded how awesome it is to see an aisle of all the available liquor imaginable. On a Sunday. In a grocery store. Oklahoma can't say it's weak beer and dumb laws prevent teen pregnancy or DUI's. At this point us and Utah are the only ones who get 3.2 beer. We share a liquor law with a state ruled by religion so those of us who can actually handle not being alcoholics can't get go buy liquor on a Sunday to drown our sorrows from not being able to buy liquor on a Sunday. It's a vicious circle.

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Lack of Public Transit

That's not really fair I guess. We have 3 buses. Buses that stop running at dusk. For fear of zombies? Those silly carriages in Bricktown pulled by the saddest horses on Earth even run longer than the buses. And manage to jack traffic up just as bad. At least we have an awesome high speed train that would allow us to travel around with efficiency. What's that? We need to put a big ass screen on Aubreydome Chesapeake Arena? Oh. That is better than a fast train. Thanks MAPS!

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Right Wing Nut Jobs

I get we live in a state where bible thumpin', straight, rich, white folks seem to have the majority say, but that seems to be changing. It's gonna take a generation, or ten, but OKC will one day be a place where liberal thinking and frowning on hate will be an asset. In the future I also won't be afraid to put an Obama sticker on my car because some douchery wrapped in a Romney/Ryan shirt with anger and a brick has no self-control.

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The Lost Ogle

I'll admit it. Ever since Clark Matthews left, the place has gone to all hell.

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Weather

OKC has a great basketball team, our entertainment district isn't as pathetic as it was 15 years ago and it's cheap as hell to live here. Now if we could do something about our awful weather, this would be a perfect place to live. It would also mean I wouldn't have to hear, "Don't like the weather? Stick around five minutes!" Shut your damn mouth! It's been hot here since April! We get 18 days of nice weather in this state where it's not icy, windy, hot, humid, or we're running from tornados. People suffer from weather rage in this state. They're either angry it's too cold or it's too hot. How about you just stay inside? That's what I do. I haven't left the house in 10 years. Well, unless I'm leaving special weather related gifts for Emily Sutton. I call macaroni art "weather related gifts."

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