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This guy shot himself in the penis with a handgun

5:36 AM EDT on July 17, 2012

Yesterday, I stopped by the Braum's drive-thru for lunch. I ordered my usual: a Number One with cheese, no mayo, no pickles, add ketchup, with an unsweet iced tea. When I got home and checked my order, everything looked correct. The burger came with cheese, it didn't have any pickles or mayonnaise, and the fries seemed fresh. It was a successful Braum's visit!

Or so I thought.

After eating a couple of bites of food, I grabbed for my drink, put in the straw, and took a big swig of...sweet tea. Well played, Braum's, well played. You got my hopes and dreams up with the correct food order only to shatter them by sneaking in a mysterious, chalky-tasting, sugary-based liquid. And you didn't warn me about it either! There's nothing worse than the unexpected taste of sweet tea hitting your tastebuds. Well, almost nothing. I guess you could always accidentally shoot your penis with a handgun in South Oklahoma City. That would suck.

From News 9:

Oklahoma City police arrested a 36 year old man after he told investigators he accidentally shot himself in the genitals.

Police were called to Southwest Medical Center on Saturday, July 14, after a man came into the emergency room with a gunshot wound. Police questioned Tavares Donnell Colbert and told them he was on his way to sell a gun when he accidentally shot himself.

According to Colbert, he was on his way to S.E. 44th and Shields when he pulled over to the check the gun. He said he'd had problems with it earlier and wanted to make sure it was functioning properly.

Colbert told police when he tried to force the slide back, he also had his finger on the trigger. The gun went off and he shot himself in the penis. According to the police report, Colbert panicked and drove himself to the hospital.

Police told Colbert because he had prior felony convictions it was illegal for him to own a gun. Colbert said he was aware of that, and that's why he was trying to sell the weapon. Officers arrested Colbert after he was released from the hospital. He was booked into the Oklahoma County jail on one count of possession of a firearm.

Well, at least he knows the handgun works...right?

Anyway, we generally make fun of stupid criminals on this site, but I think we're going to take the high road on this one. The guy shot his dick, panicked, and then drove himself to the hospital. That's impressive! I can't even operate a car after drinking sweet tea! They should give him a medal for that accomplishment alone, or at least let him keep his gun. I mean handgun. Whatever.

P.s. - Please don't leave any giant black cock jokes in the comments. According to Marisa, that myth is totally true, and the last thing we want to do is reinforce and/or promote stereotypical stereotypes that haunt Marisa. Thanks.

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