Before last week, I really didn't know a lot about Lil Wayne. I knew he was a popular hip hop mogul, convicted felon and creator of cool album covers, but I couldn't really name you any of his songs or accomplishments. In fact, the only part of Lil Wayne's repertoire that I was really familiar with was his narration of those Spike Lee directed Gatorade commercials from a few years ago.
Well, thanks to Twitter my familiarity with Lil Wayne has now changed. Now I know he's nothing but a pompous self-entitled douche bag who expects constant red carpet treatment and for people to worship the ground he walks on. And I'm not the only one. Since he issued tweets that were critical of the Thunder organization for not bowing to his demands, Lil Wayne has become public enemy number one to the Oklahoma City faithful.
This got me thinking about some of the other great celebrity villains in Oklahoma City history. You know, those outsiders that have found a way to piss of everyone in the metro from Highway 9 in Norman to Waterloo Road in Edmond.
Anyway, I decided to take a look at some of these people after the jump. When you read it, keep in mind a couple of things:
1. I'm focusing on people from outside Oklahoma, so don't expect any nutty politicians, redneck musicians or vanity press publishers.
2. I left Tim McVeigh off the list because nobody deserves to be associated with that guy.
Here we go:
Connie Chung
For those of you who are fortunately too young to remember, CBS News sent in Connie Chung from New York to provide lead coverage of the Oklahoma City bombing. Either the night of or the night after the bombing, she conducted an interview with OKCFD Assistant Chief Jon Hansen - the unofficial spokesperson for OKC during the tragedy — and asked him:
"Can the Oklahoma City Fire Department handle this?"
When you read the paraphrased version of her question, it doesn't sound all that bad. It almost appears to be a valid question. But something about the tone of her voice and the way she asked the question was infuriating. It was like she was talking to a confused Taco Bell employee in the drive-thru: "Uhm, you got that? Everything all right in there? Need any help???"
Over the next few days there was a Connie Chung backlash in OKC. Everyone wanted her out-of-town. Some people even made "Screw You! Connie Chung" t-shirts. They donated the proceeds to assist bombing victims and their families. And not too long after the ordeal, Connie Chung was let go by CBS News.
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John Steinbeck
Do you have a mystery book? You know, one of those weird books that you've never read and didn't purchase but somehow it ended up tucked away on your bookshelf?
Well, I have one of those books and it's called "John Steinbeck Was Wrong About Oklahoma." The book is a defense of the Sooner state and tries to combat the negative stereotype of our state that was conveyed in Steinbeck's classic novel "The Grapes of Wrath." The fact that someone wrote a book like this almost 60 years after the "Grapes of Wrath" was published proves two things:
1. You can write a book on just about anything.
2. John Steinbeck is a villain.
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Gordon Riese
It's still think the OU - Oregon onside kick fiasco is the greatest officiating blunder I've ever witnessed on live TV. And I still think that old blind replay official Gordon Riese was able to buy his grandkids some nice Christmas presents later that year.
P.s. - I know we're in the middle of the greatest sporting event to ever grace our city, but football is only two and a half months away. Yippee!
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Metta World Peace
Every time I watch that video I want to fly out to Los Angeles and punch that fucker. But then I realize he'd probably strangle me and then I'd die. At least it would be a memorable death, though. I'd get a solid 15-minutes of fame for it.
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People who make lists of healthiest cities
We get it. We're fat. We have things like McDonald's Trapeziums and chicken fried steaks. The only time we get any exercise is when we walk from our free parking spot at Bass Pro Shops all the way to the Chesapeake Arena. Now just leave us alone and let us get fat and die at 60.
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The Gaylords
I know the Gaylords are from Oklahoma and everything, but writing a list about our city's greatest villains and not including them would be like ranking the worst family's from Game of Thrones and not including the Lanisters. And I'm aware that the previous sentence was about the fifth Game of Thrones reference I've made on this site in the past month, but I can't help it. I got addicted to show this year. That being said, expect random references to crystal meth, El Pollo Loco and Walter White to start appearing on the site very very soon
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Barack Hussein Obama
If this is your first time to read the site, you should know that we are like a majority of all other Oklahoma City residents and think that our President is a Kenyan communist sent here to destroy our great nation. We are also avid scrapbookers.
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Charles Barkley
Chuck has finally made amends with OKC and everything, but he was the official enemy of the Sooner state after his "Oklahoma is a vast wasteland," comments. No lie, It think Kelly Ogle dedicated about two weeks of "My Two Cents" editorials on the topic, which culminated with Kelly sneaking his black producer on the set of "Inside the NBA" to prove that we really have black people in Oklahoma. Seriously, I'm not making that shit up. That happened on live TV. Kelly Ogle even wore black face! Ok, I'm making that up, but it would have been funny.
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Jessica Alba
I'm not sure if I'd consider Jessica Alba a true villain, but how could I leave her off this list. She's hot and she vandalized our city with Great White Shark Posters. Plus, we're the ones who broke the damn story. We will never let you forget about that.
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Bill Simmons
Yesterday on Twitter and Facebook, everyone — me included — was gushing over Bill Simmon's sweet little article about Oklahoma City. A reader named Ryan, though, looked at things from a different perspective. Check out the email he wrote us:
I would love if you guys spent an article ripping into Bill Simmons. He's basically attacked and insulted everyone connected to the thunder except the players for the last 4 years, while gradually decided that the players are good. My personal opinion of this article is that it's 1/3 apology to Seattle for Simmons enjoying the Thunder in the final, 1/3 apology for the fans here for offending them, and 1/3 - I'm a great fucking guy because after 4 years of insulting the thunder I can find a way to salute their fans while not pissing off everyone who's loyal to my Seattle hard-on.
I'll accept the guy's apology when he finally writes "Oklahoma City Thunder" instead of "Zombie Sonics" as the team name.
Frankly I'm offended that this guy has shit on our team for 4 years and all of a sudden he's doing this double take, and now I see dozens of people linking his article on facebook who had no idea what Bill Simmons history with the Thunder was. And everyone seems to think his article is so fucking amazing. Well-written, yes. But he still won't fucking call our team the Thunder.
Sorry, I'm drunker than the combination of Ron Artest at half time of a game against the Bobcats and two Celtics fans who haven't found their way home yet since last week. But please, be the one news organization that doesn't buy into this bill simmons worship.
And yes I called you a news org. You guys are truer than Dopler version what the fuck.
You know what, Ryan makes some valid points. Screw Bill Simmons! I hope all the Boston teams go bankrupt and the LA Kings misplace the Stanley Cup and blame his daughter.
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Anyway, I'm sure there's a person or two I'm forgetting, but I think that's pretty comprehensive list. If you have anyone to add, leave a comment.
