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Regular Jim Traber is the new spokesperson for Mazzio’s

5:00 AM EST on January 31, 2012

Regular Jim Traber is kind of fragile. During the holiday season, he was admitted to the ICU because of a clogged artery. This came about three and half years after he spent a few weeks in the hospital due to an exploded colon. He also suffers from a variety of other ailments and conditions like gout, tomfoolery and narcissistic personality disorder.

If Regular Jim were a normal person, you'd think his health problems would lead to some sort of awakening. That maybe he'd eat better, exercise more and quit smoking illegal Cuban cigars. But Regular Jim Traber is not a normal person. He's invincible! He's the ultimate! And he's the new spokesperson for Mazzio's Pizza.

Here's the commercial:

Wow. That's some outside-the-box thinking by Mazzio's ad agency and marketing department. Instead of making their pizza look tasty and delicious, they made it look like Pizza the Hut. Good luck with that. When you all are finished dusting off your resumes next year, let us know and we'll provide a reference.

Seriously, that commercial's about as gross as a Mazzio's calzone ring. Who other than Driver, Mark Rodgers or Brian Tallet's dad really wants to watch Regular Jim Traber act like a pathetic sissy and stuff his face with pizza in front of his daughter? The Grim Reaper, that's who!

On that note, if I were to handicap a local celebrity death pool, I'd rank Regular Jim Traber right behind Danny Williams, Ronnie Kaye and KFOR's Ed Doney. One of those guys will croak within the next year for sure. And don't worry, Ed Doney isn't deathly ill or anything. I just included him because each year there is always some random, unexpected local celebrity death. I have a feeling this could be Ed Doney's year.

Anyway, let's all hope this is commercial is a one time thing. The last thing we need is Regular Jim Traber invading our TV sets and competing with Rit Mathis for attention. Also, in case any of you ad agency people are watching, Cardboard Jim is totally available for commercials. He's much more affordable than Regular Jim Traber and he doesn't talk. Email us for details.

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