Toby Keith’s “Red Solo Cup” will be featured on Glee tonight…

If that headline made no sense, then congratulations, you and I can totally be friends. To get our friendship started, I’m going to do a nice thing and try to explain the headline to you without vomiting all over my computer. Here’s what you need to know:

1. Toby Keith is a country music legend from Moore who has achieved international fame for performing cliché’ country music tunes about being a blue-collar redneck. He’s also made news for his outspoken political views and support of Sooner athletics. He loves bars, grills and Ford.

2. Glee is a popular musical-dramedy watched by gay men, girlfriends in their 20s and that weird lady in your office who microwaves smelly Lean Cuisine frozen meals in the break room for breakfast. The show puts modern spins (a.k.a. crap) on pop music hits and classics and follows the life and times of a fictional high school glee club.

3. “Red Solo Cup” is a new pop-country party song by Toby Keith. It’s basically a love song to Red Solo Cups. Bob Dylan would be proud.

Okay, now that you’re caught up to speed, you should probably do what 5-million plus other people have done and smoke some meth and watch the unedited, official music video on YouTube. Here it is:

You know what, I’m surprised!  Even though “Red Solo Cup” is a shitty song, it’s really not that bad. I guess you can say it’s good in a bad way…kind of like the elderly. It makes me want to cook some meth, buy some clothes at Bass Pro and then throw a keg party at some abandoned house near Lake Arcadia.

Hell, I even like the music video. Not only does it include a bunch of scantily clad redneck girls, but it features a random cameo by Roger Clemens. That means Jim Traber can’t watch this thing without his suffering a gout attack. That’s kind of funny

All that being said, I’m sure Glee will find some way to ruin the song just like it’s ruined the happiness and well-being of so many whipped men in relationships. Glee is like Grey’s Anatomy on HGH. Not only is it sappy, unrealistic and overly dramatic, but you also have to deal with 24-year-old actors pretending to be high students and butchering songs like this:

Yeah, thanks Glee. 1990s Beck is dead to me now...kind of like 2000s Beck. Thanks for that.

Anyway, here's the Glee rendition of Red Solo Cup. Watch it and enjoy it at your cubicle so you don't have to watch it tonight.  And if you ever see the dude playing the guitar walking down the street, punch him in the face for me.