Some people light candles and reach for scented massage oils to get them in the mood for a little passion play. Cosmopolitan suggests playing Rihanna's latest single and performing a sexy striptease. In this day and age, feather boas, whipped cream, nurse costumes, or leather belts are not uncommon props known to awaken carnal desires. I'm not here to judge what gets another person in the mood for some sexy time, but when your fetishes include exposing yourself and slowly lurching towards an unsuspecting civilian, know that you're vulnerable to becoming the laughing stock of Tulsa county.
From the Tulsa World:
Joshua Deron Smith, 21, is accused of ordering the woman to pull over and showing her his penis late Sunday.
The woman told police that she was pulling into the parking lot of her apartment building in the 7300 block of South Wheeling Avenue before 11:45 p.m. when someone in a vehicle behind her pointed a spotlight at her and she thought a police officer was pulling her over.
A man ordered her with a loudspeaker to approach him in the vehicle, exposed himself, and then walked toward her while still exposed, she told police.
He fled in his vehicle when her boyfriend approached from the apartments, according to a police report. They followed him until police found them in the 2400 block of 71st Street.
Smith was booked into the Tulsa Jail early Monday with $7,750 bail on complaints of indecent exposure, false impersonation of an emergency vehicle, possession of drug paraphernalia and driving under suspension, records show.
To me, the notable part of the story isn't Smith's perversion, or the stupidity of the victim for believing policemen no longer turn on their blue and red flashing lights when making routine traffic stops. The fascinating part of this tale is the victim and her boyfriend's heroic fight for justice. Sure they called the police, but rather than sit back and wait for them to file out of River Spirit Casino catch the culprit, they hopped in their car and followed the horny bastard until he was arrested.
Now, let's not jump to hasty conclusions. There are plenty of reasonable explanations why Joshua Deron Smith whipped out his peen that fateful night. Here's just a few I could think of:
- A bee flew up Smith's pants and he needed to release it before he got stung.
- He's a shapeshifter and was preparing to morph...
- ...or he took too much V and was simply seeking relief from genital swelling (sorry, I'm on a True Blood kick).
- Expecting another earthquake, Smith wanted to feel mother nature's good vibrations in a more poignant way.
- Smith was experiencing a hot flash.
- He mistook the victim for his masseuse.
- He was trying to teach the victim a new secret handshake.
- Smith had an awkward itch and scratching it through a fabric barrier wasn't cutting it.
- He just drank 12 beers and really had to pee.
In all sincerity, we're glad the victim's boyfriend intervened before this crime could escalate. Although Gary Schultz and Tim Curley don't share our sentiments, the Lost Ogle firmly believes sex crimes are a serious matter.
As always, holla atchyo girl on Twitter at @xCawoodstock
