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10 things I’d like to see happen this summer…

7:05 AM EDT on June 30, 2011

Last June, I came up with a list of ten things I'd like to see happen over the summer of 2010. I wrote the list because we were going through a slow news period and was looking for some things to write about. Oddly, and somewhat shockingly, a couple of the things actually came true.

Here is last year's list.  The two things I actually predicted are in bold.

1. Joleen Chaney and four friends decided to spend a day at the lake.
2. Someone put the “Don’t Lay that Trash on Oklahoma” commercial on YouTube.
3. VZDs hires a heterosexual waitress who isn’t on a roller derby team.
4. Oklahoma Magazine finally lets me write about midgets.
5. Megan Fox plasters posters of cuddly pandas all across Downtown Oklahoma City.
6. Megan Fox drunk dials an obscure local social blogger after plastering posters of cuddly pandas all across Downtown Oklahoma City.
7. The Taco Bueno on 63rd and May gets a drive-thru.
8. Steve Lackmeyer kidnaps Tom Ward and hides out in the India Temple Building.
9. Brain Maughan creates a Plenty of Fish profile.
10. A Republican state senator leaves his wife of 40+ years for a young married lobbyist who may be pregnant with his child.

I'm still I little bit weirded out by the Taco Bueno thing.  I'll admit that I knew about the the Republican Senator having the affair with the lobbyist, but I had no clue that the Taco Bueno on 63rd and May was going to be transformed into the USS Enterprise of Taco Buenos.  It kind of makes me wonder if someone from Taco Bueno reads the site and said, "We have a location without a drive thru???  This must be fixed!"  Or maybe the roofied one of my muchacos and after I passed out that put a mind reading microchip inside my brain.  I bet it was one of the two.

Anyway, since we are always looking for new topics to write about, I decided to come up with another list of 10 things I'd like to see happen this summer.  Check it out below:

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1. CBS announces it is filming Season 23 of "Survivor" at Arbuckle Wilderness.

You may be surprised to learn this, but the show "Survivor" is still on the air and still receives pretty good ratings. Maybe to help boost the image of our state, the powers that be should try to get Mark Burnett and friends to film a Season at Arbuckle Wilderness.

You have to admit it would be pretty cool.  You could have the Giraffe Tribe versus the Deer Tribe.  They could do challenges inside a moon bounce.  And maybe as a reward they could send people to Turner Falls for some relaxation.

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2. The Lingerie Football League puts an expansion franchise in Valley Brooke.

Yeah, this would be pretty cool. And you know the mayor of Valley Brooke wouldn't pull a "For I am holier than thou" morality dick move like Mayor Cornett and block the league from moving their.  Hell, they'd probably pass a 1-cent sales tax on lap dances to fund a "State of the Art" arena for a franchise.

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3. Channel 9 brings back the old Seinfeld reruns.

I feel like a little part of me died when Channel 9 quit airing Seinfeld reruns after Letterman.  Sure, you can watch Seinfeld on just about any channel at just about anytime, but the 11:37pm Seinfeld was an Oklahoma City tradition. I'm pretty sure it had been in that time slot since the mid 90s.  Not if you want to watch Seinfeld in OKC and don't have cable you have to watch it at 5:00pm on Channel 25.  Screw that.

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4. Some hot girl finally flashes us her boobs at Team Trivia Night.

You know, we give three bonus points at trivia to the team with the best/funniest name. We'd probably give away five bonus points if some girl flashed us.  Just sayin...

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5. In protest of Mason Dunn being replaced by Jim Gardner, Gary England inexplicably starts wearing a cape.

As we mentioned a few weeks ago, Channel 9 got rid of SkyNews 9 Pilot Mason Dunn. Apparently the mean news director for our CBS affiliate allegedly wanted Mason to violate government rules and fly non stop for 10 hours covering destruction of the tornado. Their was a flap over that and Mason was let go.

Anyway, Mason Dunn and Gary England are still good buddies.  Since Gary England can pretty much do whatever he wants at Channel 9 and is much more powerful than some snooty news director, he should just start wearing a cape. Hell, it may even catch on and become a fashion symbol. I know I would wear one.

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6. Oklahoma Science Museum (or whatever it's called) goes back to being the Omniplex.

One rule in Marketing 101 is avoid a generic name. It's why you watch movies on NetFlix and not the National Movie Rental Corporation.  It's why you bid on items at EBay and not "International Auction Website."

Well, the ad geniuses behind the science museum renamed it something stupid and generic and totally lost the cool identity that was associated with the Omniplex.  Seriously, I bet half the kids that go there don't even know what the place is called.

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7. David Boren endows to the University of Oklahoma the world's largest DVD collection of lavish Broadway musicals, show tunes and Barbara Streisand movie.

I honestly don't know if David Boren has this collection, but it wouldn't surprise me if he did.

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8. Someone emails us pictures of Christina Fallin and Matt Bacon shopping for jeans at Old Navy.

This is probably more of a pipe dream.  In fact, the only way I can see this happening is if it becomes cool and ironic in a very hipster way to wear Old Navy clothes.

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9. Senator Josh Brecheen gets a job as a science teacher at Oral Roberts.

If you remember, Senator Brecheen (picture above and to the right) is an expert in the field of evolution.  That is, of course, only if you consider inaccurate religious right-wing propaganda to take precedent over the foundations and principles of scientific fact.  So...in the sake of giving us something to write about, we hope Senator Brecheen gets a job as a science teacher.  Or, maybe we locate some picture of his wife in bikini.  Either works for us.

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10. Jim Traber leaves his wife for Bo Van Pelt.

Is anyone else really grossed out by Jim Traber's sick man crush on Bo Van Pelt?  I bet he has a secret room in his house dedicated to Bo Van Pelt that's kind of like the Malkovich room in being "Being John Malkovich."  I bet the only people who have access to it are Traber, Craig Humphreys and the Fat Jack.

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Anyway, those are just a few things I'd like to see happen this summer.  If you have any to add, do it in the comments.

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