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Law and Order

Joleen Chaney wants to know where you would hide your meat…

5:34 AM EDT on May 16, 2011

Have you ever dreamed that some day Joleen Chaney would  randomly walk up to you in a parking lot and ask where you hide your meat?  Well, thanks to some stupid criminals that dream came true for some shoppers at the Chickasha Wal-Mart.

Police in Chickasha are working an unusual case after a rash of meat thefts from area grocery stores. Investigators say it has happened several times, but now they believe they have caught the suspects.

They believe the duo has been shoplifting for some time and were often wearing the same clothes each instance.

However, where they were hiding the merchandise may have been more of a giveaway during the latest incident.

Police say 39-year-old Dan Beal was hiding meat they say he had stolen from the Chickasha Wal-Mart Super Center in his pants.

Police say they believe the couple have been stealing meat to sell for quite some time, but they have not had enough evidence to arrest them until now.

Although I find it interesting to learn that the town of Chickasha apparently has a bustling black market for stolen meat products, the quotes given by the Chickasha folks in the Channel 4 video are the best part about this story.  Here are my favorites:

"I aint got enough clothes to hide no meat."
"I've never stole meat before."
"It would be too cold and big."
"I might hide some meat in my pants."
"I like to violate barn animals."
"I've never actually caught someone with meat in their pants."

Anyway, couple of other quick thoughts:

1.Thanks again to the town of Chickasha for making me feel intelligent and better about myself.  The fact that this town has a public liberal arts college is irony defined.  If we did a trivia night in Chickasha, the questions would likely cover such topics as the alphabet, multiplication tables or the color wheel.

2. In their production meeting, I bet some producer at KFOR said "This will probably make The Lost Ogle.  Lets send Joleen."  She didn't disappoint.  In fact, she did great.  She should win an Emmy or date with Cardboard Jim.

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