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2011 Winter Weather Death Watch Armageddon Live Blog

5:05 AM EST on February 1, 2011

(Picture courtesy of Chad from some random Facebook Wall.)

If you live in Oklahoma, chances are you are moping around your living room in your pajamas watching all the news channels tell you how dangerous it is outside.  You're also probably taking pictures of the snow drift in your driveway, posting it on Facebook and wishing you had a snow shovel

Anyway,after the jump, we begin our 2011 Winter Weather Death Watch Armageddon Live Blog.  I'll be flipping through the news channels and providing coverage on what our local news hypers are saying.

10:05: Here are some Live Blog Rules:

1) No complaining about my typos
2) Playing the Gary England Drinking Game is encouraged
3) If you have something to add, post it in the comments
4) If you have funny pictures, screen shots, etc, send us an email or DM on Twitter

10:09: Starting out on KOCO and JiaoJiao Shen is driving down Broadway and Edmond.  Edmond looks totally abandoned like in some apocalyptic movie.  That would be cool.

10:10: Also, thank you Channel 5 for sending your Asian reporter out to drive around in this crap.  As if the roads weren't dangerous enough.

10:11: Channel 5 just cut to Maggie Stokes.  She was in a parking lot talking about how some cars are driving around Britton Rd., and then said, verbatim:  "This is the situation.  If you get stuck in this snow right now, I can't underestimate...how....emergencies...this is an emergency, I mean, you need to stay home, this can be a very bad situation."  She needs to do more live TV.

10:15: I'm going to jump over to Channel 9 and watch our lord and savior Gary England.

10:16: Where the fuck is Gary England and why does Channel 9 have a Storm Chaser from England!

10:17: James Menzies, the Channel 9 Storm Chaser from England, just said he hasn't seen a storm like this since "He was a jolly little lad from England, and his mum would make tea and biscuits."   I bet that dude scores tons of chicks at bars.

10:19: Michael Armstrong, the little back up weatherman from Channel 9 just said "Just look at the snow blowing off the roofs in Bricktown."  But he said it like he was a poet or country singer.  I'm not sure if I like him.

10:22: Just jumped over to Channel 4 to see what Dracula Mike Morgan has to say and instead this guy is leading the weather coverage:

10:23: Ironically enough, David Payne was talking about how Western Oklahoma was only getting 3 to 5 inches of snow.

10:25: Channel 4 just cut to their new reporter Ian Parker.  He is dressed like he should be drinking at that new bar the Office.

10:28: Channel 4 just posted a picture of this guy.  Cabin fever?

10:30: Channel 4 is stupid.  They have Joleen Chaney reporting live via the phone.  Screw that.  We need to see her a tight ski suit making Snow Angels.

10:32: Checking out Channel 25 to see if they are doing anything.

10:33: Question...If you were hanging out with a friend and their was a tornado or any other type of weather emergency barreling towards you, and then your friend turned the TV on and tuned to Channel 25 to see what was happening, how long would it take you to either punch him in the face or change the channel.  I'd say 2.5 seconds.

10:36: When I watch Jeff George on Channel 25, I half way to expect him to start doing shots and trying to flirt with girls who are watching him give the weather report.  He seems like that type of guy.

10:37: Just got this sent to us via Twitter:

Remember kids, don't slam on your breaks.

10:41: Back to Channel 9...

10:42: We have footage from VAL!!!!! Take a drink.

10:43: Amy Lester is flabbergasted that the mailman is delivering mail today.

10:44: Kristen McIntyre is flabbergasted that Krispy Kreme on Memorial is closed.

10:46: Alex Cameron should totally be wearing his HBO t-shirt right now.

10:48: Still amazed that Channel 9 is bringing us a weather tag team of Jed Castles and Michael Armstrong.  Where is Gary England?  I feel like Princess Leia.  "Help us Meteorologist Gary England.  You're our only hope."

10:52: Hank Brown has just reported from the genter that "Big Huge Flakes of Snow are Coming Down."  That's what she said.

10:53: By the way, we canceled trivia night tonight at the Speakeasy.  Should we submit it to the closings list that scrolls across the bottom of the screen???

10:55: Ed Murray has live video of a stuck gasoline tanker.  I think in his 25 year history or working in the media, this is the first time he has ever broke a legitimate story.  He sounds more excited than a guy with $200 at a strip club.

10:57: Uh oh....News 9 has a live chat going on.  I'm going to go take it over and see how long it takes to get banned.  Be right back...

11:01: Well, I asked Channel 9 about the status of Gary England, and here's what some dude named Gerald said "TheLostOgle - Gary's around. He did the early-morning stuff and was here all night."

11:03: Channel 9 says you should put Vaseline under your eyes if you go outside.  Oddly enough, Bob Barry Jr. and Dean Blevins say you should put Vaseline in different spots on your body.

11:05: Robin Marsh is wanting to interview a dude who Val rescued.  This should be amazing.

11:06: I want the last one minute of my life back.

11:07: Wow.  Robin Marsh just talked trash on Channel 4.  Wow.

11:08: Now Michael Armstrong is talking trash!

11:08: Jumping over to Channel 4...

11:12: David Payne "The blizzard is blowin' and goin'."

11:13: So, I think some news channel should send a live crew to my house to shovel the snow out of my driveway...

11:15: David Payne is warning that when the snow ends, that we will have a "ground blizzard."  Suspicious.

11:16: I guess we should acknowledge that the roof collapsed at the Hard Rock Casino in Tulsa.  Which is sadder?  The roof collapsed, or that a Hard Rock Casino is Tulsa's top tourist attraction.

11:17: Channel 4 is interviewing someone from the Zoo.  Seriously?

11:18: Imagine this, everything is fine at the Zoo.  And the Bison really love the weather.  And the Zoo has plenty of back up generators.  Dear God, am I really watching this?!

11:20: Also, why is Ali Myer wearing the Auryn amulet from the Neverending Story.  Is she waiting for her luck dragon?

11:21: Falcor!!!!

11:22: Ali Myer has just announced a blizzard warning for the swamps of sorrow.

11:25: Attorney General Scott Pruitt is banning price gauging...unless you're an insurance company.  Then you can raise rates whenever and charge whatever you want.

11:27: Since Channel 4 won't give me a shout out, I'm moving to Channel 5.

11:30: Check out this amazing typo that a reader just emailed to us:

Yep.  Lt. "Kernel" Max Moss.  Apparently, he's in the Orville Redenbacher division of the Oklahoma National Guard.

11:32: Channel 5's Erin Guy is cute in a "girl next door that you'd like to get drunk and mess around with" type of way.

11:34: Man, the Hispanic Channel 5 anchorman is about as boring as you'll get.  They need to bring back John Flick.  Then things like this will happen:

11:36: Gary England gave us another shout out.  Someone send video!

11:40: Having Gary England talk to us on the air is the equivalent of having god talk to Moses as a burning bush.

11:43: Jennifer Broaddus is giving the best live report ever!

11:48: Uploading Jennifer Broaddus' live report to YouTube.  We should all donate to her pneumonia recovery fund.

Noon: Took a quick break.  Working on uploading videos of the News 6 reporter in Tulsa dying of hypothermia and of Gary England giving us a shout out.

12:03: Here is the News 6 Reporter slowly dying.  I expect that "I Shouldn't be Alive" will do an episode about her very soon.

12:10: Gary gave us another shout out.  Before you know, he's going to tell use to build an arc and save all the animals at the zoo.

12:14: Mike DeGiacomo has a million dollar smile...if you are a dentist or orthodontist.

12:15: Here is Gary's first shout out to "the game."

12:22: Someone just sent us this on Facebook.  Awesome.

12:24: Channel 25 must be paying attention.  They have gotten rid of the boring Hispanic anchor and brought in the heavy hitters.  JESSICA SCHAMBACH and Paul Folger.

12:25: I wonder how many times Paul Folger is going to sneak a peek at Jessica's Schambachs.

12:28: Was about to link to the video of Paul Folger looking at Jessica's Schambachs during a news report, but it's been removed.  That sucks.

12:31: Sometimes I feel sorry for Rick Mitchell.  He seems to know that nobody watches him.

12:32: If I was Rick Mitchell, I would be saying things like "This blizzard isn't that bad" or "Go outside and get some sun."  Sure, he probably shouldn't say those things, but it would get him more viewers.

12:34: Maggie Stokes is doing a play by play of idiots who got their pick-up trucks stuck in 5ft tall snow drifts.  She did a better job than Bob Barry Sr. would have done.

12:35: I mentioned that Erin Guy was cute in a "girl next door" type of way, but Jessica Schambach is hot in a "bad ass crazy girl that you want to meet at a club and hook up with in Vegas some night" type of way.

12:37: Per a reader comment, here is Gary's second shout out.

12:42: Here is Ali Meyer telling Kent Ogle that she nearly "lost her Ogle."

12:46: Apparently, JiaoJiao Shin is the only reporter that Channel 5 has driving around Oklahoma City telling people to stay at home and that the road conditions are dangerous.  Other channels have 2 or 3 reporters.

12:48: I think the Rick Michell Drinking Game would just involve drinking straight from a bottle of whiskey, stalking your ex on Facebook and listening to Alice in Chains and Portishead CDs.

12:50: I'm pretty sure that Jessica Schambach just winked at me on TV.

12:52: Moving back to Channel 9.

12:55: Commercial on Channel 9, so I flipped to Channel 13 to see if maybe they are covering this.  They are not.  It's a big red dog talking to smaller dogs about making mistakes and popping balloons.

1:00: Just completed 3-hours of live blogging.  Going to take a break for a bit and hand things off to Marisa.

Gentle Marisa Here!

1:25: I've been awake for roughly 30 minutes.

1:27: Has anyone else noticed that when you try to watch the Livestream stuff on Kfor.com all you get to watch is a McDonald's oatmeal commercial?  Who eats oatmeal?  And why would you buy it at McDonald's when you can get a tasty McGriddle?

1:31: My Twitter feed is full of of @KeepItLocalOK updates about businesses closing.  Didn't Mary Fallin close the state yesterday?  Of course these places are closed.  And what's more important, who the hell wants to go to a place that's open right now?

1:34: I thought I would make chili today.  That's a good cold weather food, right?  I started chopping a bell pepper, but I got bored.  I wish Pizza Shuttle was open instead.  I'm obviously no Miss Wisabus.

1:37: How is the story "Puppy With Heart Shape in Fur Survives Dog Attack" a hot topic on Kfor.com right now?  I'm not even going to link that story.  We have weather, for Christ's sake!

1:40: My roommate fell asleep on the couch.  She has been parked there for the past 24 hours, which means I'm in slightly less comfortable seating.  Bitch.

1:42: Do you think the local news has forsaken us and that's why we aren't getting anything new?  Or do you think Patrick just took all the prime TV hours of information for his live blogging?

1:45: The first person to do this and send a naked picture of themselves out in the elements gets $50 from Patrick.*

1:48: Does anyone in the central Norman area have a sled?

1:49: Apparently UCO has already closed for tomorrow.  Come on, President Boren!

1:51: Mike Morgan keeps talking about the "all day ground blizzard".  As opposed to a chopped or diced blizzard?  He also says the storm has "scissored" over Arkansas.  I didn't know that the storm was a lesbian.  Rusty Mcranie said he saw a "snow tornado"..how many shots is that worth, Patrick?

1:52: That ground/chopped/diced joke totally came from my mom.  She wants to contribute to TLO too.

1:54: Dear Facebook friends,  yeah, it snowed.  Now quit posting pictures of your dog or babies out in it.  It's really only that cute to you.

2:01: In a search for something relevant, I found this.  I think the music means that Gary England runs News 9 like a rave.  Also, they say the phrase "money shot."

2:08: My coffee has gone cold.

2:10: Just got the text alert from OU that they will be closed tomorrow.  That's good, because I actually have class on Wednesday.

2:12: Poor JiaoJiao Shen is still in Edmond because there is a pickup stuck in the snow.  I would hate to be snowed-in in Edmond.  Mainly because I would be stuck at my parent's house.  Or staring at a pickup in the snow.

2:18: Paul Folger of channel 5 would like to remind Tecumseh residents not to call 911 because their road isn't clear.

2:19: Patrick was telling me just the other day how much he likes that Paul Folger guy.

2:24: How come Boren will issue all sorts of statements about snow via phone, text and email but homeboy won't say jack about the chromium 6 in the water?

2:26: Fox 25 Investigative Reporter, Marisa Mendelson, just posted via Twitter that she is out of a snowdrift.  I didn't really know she was in one.  Though, I don't watch Fox 25.  Also, let's give it up to a Marisa who spells her name right!

2:28: In about the past 10 minutes or so there has been a truck stuck in the snow on 3 different local stations.  Also, all channels agree that the wind is "brutal."  What a bro sort of a word to use.  Don't only bros say brutal?

2:33: Almost everyone is aware of the Gary England drinking game.  Except for a journalist who is supposed to know what's up.

2:37: I've gotten 2 comments since I started this live blogging venture.  Proof positive that while I'm a palatable blogger, I'm not really thought provoking.

2:40: I wonder how many reporters are still out in this crappy weather even though nothing is going on and almost everything is canceled tomorrow anyway.

2:43: I've officially had 4 cups of coffee now.

2:44: What's the over/under on my work being canceled tomorrow?  Who wants to start taking bets?

2:46: Do you think we'll win some sort of award for our tireless coverage of this winter storm?  I think we should.  We're keeping you advised too, in ways that most information sources aren't.  I mean, what news channel gives you the rules for drinking games or makes Neverending Story reference?  Not a damn one!

2:48: Though I cut it about an hour ago for chili, the bell pepper on my counter still looks fresh, thanks to this cold weather of course.

2:50: I've been informed that the majority of our readership is currently napping.  I, too, would be napping if I didn't sleep until about 1 PM and had 4 cups of coffee.

2:51: Anyone heard anything funny lately?  Do you think the newscasters are getting bored with this?  Usually they're down to beat dead horses.  Anything new?  Any funny pictures out there?

2:53: Is anyone else as distressed as I am that The Pioneer Woman won't be able to get home in a timely fashion because the Tulsa airport is closed?

2:54: There are no children playing in my neighborhood.  Usually you can see the kids across the street running around the yard and screaming curse words until their mom comes outside and beats them.  Not today.

2:57: All right, you're stranded in a snow storm with Gary England, Mike Morgan and Rick Mitchell.  You gotta bone one, shoot one and marry one.  What do you do?  Go!

2:59: I bone Rick Mitchell.  He seems like an okay dude, but his "told ya so" attitude with the whole "Rick said it would be like this" thing would be too hard to marry.  I marry Gary England, that way I could be the wife of the almighty ruler and creator.  And I bet lightening strikes every time he makes love.  And I shoot Mike Morgan because he's weird and the way he holds his hands when he point to a weather map really creeps me out.

3:03: I've been going through local news websites and it seems all their bloggers are people that I went to school with.  I think I clearly got the best job here with a local news information source.

3:12: In news from up the turnpike that is closed, the roof at the Hard Rock Cafe in Catoosa has collapsed.  The Catoosa whale is fine.

That's the best picture I could get.  I don't trust Tulsa news sources.

3:15: Speaking of casinos, if I lose power I'm totally going to the Riverwind!  Who's with me?

3:16: And again, speaking of casinos, if I lived in Concho, I'd totally go to Lucky Star Casino!  Such a fun place with a great atmosphere and all kinds of live shows!  It's no wonder we chose them to sponsor Friday Night in the Big Town!

3:17: Mary Fallin has officially announced that the snow storm is God punishing America for electing Obama.  Sally Kern agreed.

3:24: Kevin Ogle on Twitter announced that his Rant tonight will not be a rant, but a call for ideas on how to beat cabin fever.  Gentle readers, I command you to begin sending in inappropriate things.

3:28: I wish I could go back in time and change the 3:16 post to something like "Austin 3:16 says I just whooped your ass."  Another golden opportunity missed.

3:30: Jessica Schambach just reconfirmed that the wind is, in fact, brutal.

3:32: Who's gonna go see Red City Radio play in Tulsa on February 13?  I am.  I guess that had nothing to do with the blizzard.  I just thought of it because I saw them talk about cabin fever on Twitter.

3:40: How the hell did Patrick do this for 3 hours?

3:44: Local stations seem to have gotten bored and are showing real programs.

3:46: I'm going outside in Crocs right now because Jonathan Conder hasn't told me not to.

3:54: I see sunlight!

3:55: Just heard the wind described as "ferocious."  So, we now know that the wind is brutal and ferocious.  I'm glad that newscasters have thesauruses.  Let's see how long it takes for them to find a new word.

3:57: I finally understand cabin fever.  I'm about to go all kinds of Lord of the Flies on my roommate because bitch is still on the goddamn couch!  I paid for that couch!

4:00: I'm going to turn this back over to Patrick.  He is the resident live blogging expert.  Also, I have some chili to make.  Back to you, Patrick.

(See what I did there?  It's like we're on the news.)

4:08: Thanks Marisa, now lets go to Clark Mathews with sports...

4:13: Just kidding.  A Clark Matthews live blog probably wouldn't work too well.

4:15: Anyway, most of the news stations have ended their breaking news coverage and are now back to regular programming...which lets them get back to breaking news live coverage, so we're going to end the live blog.  We would like to thank Channel 9 for having fun with "the game," Channel 4 for "losing their Ogle," and Channel 5 for finally putting Jessica Schambach on the scene.  We should probably thank Channel 25, but I'm not sure why.

-

*Not really.

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