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Guest Column: Thoughts on Oklahoma City being a “Sex Hot Spot.”

8:00 AM EDT on September 17, 2010

Editor's Note: Sorry, today's guest column is not written by either one of the porn stars pictured above.  It's written by local comedy "legend" Stan Silliman.  Stan is a long time Oklahoma resident, author of seven books, part-time comedian and big time sports nut.  He's also old...very old.  Read more of Stan's stuff at his website.

In a recent Men's Health Magazine survey, Oklahoma City ranks # 8 nationally in sexually active cities.

Tell us something we didn't know. Mary Fallin's highway patrolmen are enough to skew the curve.

Condom sales, sex toy sales, birth rates and STD's make up the stats. That, and the orgasms produced every time Gary England says "getner."

Ranked right next to OKC is San Antonio. Coincidence?... or Canal? Seriously. Did you follow the baby boom in San Antonio once they dredged downtown?

Believe me not? Check out Oklahoma City mattress replacements proceeding canal construction - serious humpage by an overweight populace.

Other contributing factor? Sally Kerns, perhaps? You can't go around hearing a state representative discuss sex every other day without, at least, wanting to make a baby or buy a condom. It's only natural.

Why is Austin # 1? Fair question - Glad you asked. One word answer: testicles.

When the athletic symbol of your town is a steer, an emasculated bull "“ Bevo "“ you realize if you don't use them you might lose them.

Uncross your legs, we'll continue.

Back to Bevo. Here's a little gastronomic, biological fact: Mountain Oysters are the difference between a bull and a steer. Their lack, thereof, is enough to make an entire community cherish things still attached. And, as if they needed more reminders, all they have to do is think about what happens when you wear the symbol of your town and you cross north of the border into the strange confines known as Henry Hudson's.

Blame Austin being # 1 on testicles, not only because of the daily Bevo reminder, but also on the fact their most well known citizen – Lance – only has one of them.

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