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Only Commies Use Stucco

8:02 PM EDT on July 21, 2010

After baseball size hail smashed up Matthews Manor, contractors scoured our neighborhood drumming up business.  My poor wife, who was at home during maternity leave (and now because her employer doesn't understand how FMLA works) has to fight off door-to-door roof salesmen--while dealing with a collicky newborn--that seem to multiply like cockroaches in the pizza box Chad uses for a pillow.

If only we could decide which company should get our insurance check, things would be so much easier!  But, anyone we use has to proclaim they are a Christian in the most self-serving way possible.  If they aren't conservative or Oklahoman, we can't use them.  Plus, if choosing them to drive nails into my house will assist secular-socialism, it is a dealbreaker.

Having an owner who wears nut-hugger jeans and a loose tie, that brags about his quality of work as an afterthought to his political beliefs would get me on the phone instantly.  Of course, finding a company like that is not easy in this state.

Thankfully, some advertising firm mixed up the focus group data they were using to produce spots for Republican candidates during primary season with the profile data for small, local businesses and pitched the spot above to a loony metro contractor.  The results are hilarious.

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