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Page 3: Why Your City Sucks: Mustang

12:55 PM EST on January 14, 2010

(This will be a new little running feature within this column over the next few months. Oklahoma is a wonderful, incredible state filled with charming small towns and awesome big cities. I love this state in every way possible. But even still, there are some features of specific places that are the opposite of awesome. Hopefully, this is where we can detail some of those issues.)

What better place to start than my hometown of Mustang, America? Let it be known, I absolutely love Mustang. I loved going to school there, the people are wonderful and it's a growing community that is truly exploding because so many people are moving there. But... there are some not so excellent things about it. Let's have a look-see, shall we?

Fine dining, or the lack thereof. There are basically two sit-down restaraunts in Mustang: Harry's American Grill and Tater's (or whatever it's called now). Harry's is wonderful place to eat - heck, it's where my wife and I went on our first date, so by law I'm not allowed to knock it - but when that's your only option and you want to upgrade from Taco Bell and McDonald's, you're going to get sick of it. I mean, fried peaches and a big chef salad are good every now and again, but I need some variety here.

As for Tater's (or whatever it's called now), if you've ever been to Mustang, it's that shiny tin-foil looking place that's right there on Mustang Road when you come into the town. I honestly have never eaten there. I think it's because I'm afraid.

I'm sure there are other restaraunts that I'm forgetting or just didn't know about (Oh yeah, Los Vaquerous! Darn) but basically your options in Stang are Arby's, McDuke's, KFC, the new Chicken Express (woo!), Taco Bell or Mazzio's. Or you can just go get in line at the Mustang High School Cafeteria on Chicken Nugget Day and live it up with the teenagers. (Chicken Nugget Day was like a national holiday at MHS. Kids would literally sprint to the lunchroom for them. Any other Mustang grads know what I'm talking about.)

The church capital of the world. I'm sure somewhere else is already called this. And I'm sure somewhere else probably has more churches. But take a whirl through Mustang and you'll see 10 churches in five minutes. I'm not even joking. You will. I counted nine in my head just now. And I know I've got to be missing a few.

On 152 Highway towards Union City, there are three churches within 100 square feet of each other. Seriously. One is next door to another, and then an extra is across the street. We Mustangers must love us some God. Except for that part where Mustang High has the highest teen pregnancy rate or whatever. But that was like 10 years ago. Hey, maybe that explains the explosion of churches. Someone decided we need more God.

Mustang: Home of... Kendall Cross? Cross was an Olympic gold medalist in wrestling at the 1996 Summer games. He went to Oklahoma State and was a Mustang grad. Yeah, that's cool. Not every town has someone that won a gold medal (unless you're Edmond... stupid Shannon Miller). But when your next door neighbor is Yukon and they can slap "Home of Garth Brooks" on their watertower, Kendall Cross looks more like "Kendall Who?"

I know what you're thinking. Pretty soon Mustang will be the proud home of Royce Young. And as awesome as I may be, I still was never Chris Gaines and I still never wrote Ropin' The Wind. We'll just have to hope Josh Cooper becomes the next Wes Welker or something.

The 35-yard fourth is a true piece of Oklahoma scenery. Back when I was in middle school, Pebble Creek golf course opened up. At the time, it was awesome. You'd go play nine holes of par-3 golf for five bucks, dick around with some buddies and call it a day. But as a maturing adult, I prefer to play real golf, where I get to use more than three clubs and also get to hit the thing as far as I freaking can. I kid you not, at Pebble on the sixth hole my buddy Andy uses his putter from the tee box. It's that short. Even if you duff your shot, you've got a good chance of putting it on the green. If you take a full swing anywhere, you're either going to hit a house, a restaraunt, a car or Harry's.

My favorite part is how you always have the people that show up with their whole bag full of clubs and then rent a cart. Like THIS is their serious day of golfing. If you choose to spend a real day on the links at Pebble Freaking Creek, you need to re-evaulate your entire life. The whole course is like 200 yards. You don't need a cart. You need three, maybe four clubs tops. You honestly probably could play the whole course to decent success using only a putter. I think Andy actually has.

I'm not saying it's a bad course, I'm just saying, it kind of sums up Mustang pretty well. Doesn't bring in the smartest people, isn't the most beautiful thing to look at and certainly isn't very exciting. But, it's there. And I couldn't be prouder to call it home.

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