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Everything Else


12:00 AM EDT on May 8, 2009


My name is Clark Matthews, and I am addicted to the Lifetime Movie Network.

It feels good to get that off my chest.  The obsession began the way all addictions begin.  I experimented once thinking I could quit whenever I wanted.

One evening while watching manly UFC highlights on Spike TV, the show went to commercial.  After consulting my TiVo menu, I came across a movie called "A Haunting on Sorority Row" and switched over to it mistakenly thinking it was on one of the Encore movie channels.  With a title like that I figured there had to be a scene of a murderer stalking the communal showers at the Chi-O house, or at least a pillow fight among Thetas dressed in nighties.

Turns out it was on the Lifetime Movie Network.

But that doesn't mean I was disappointed.  Watching the protagonist (played by an actress from Gossip Girl) triumph in the end gave me a rush of estrogen that now constantly needs a fix.  These days, I find myself watching the variety of programming the network offers on a regular basis.  I see dramas about women overcoming long odds. I see dramas about women being wronged by men.  I see dramas about women being persecuted.  I even get to see dramas about women making a difference in society.  It's a virtual smorgasbord of cinema.

Today, I would set your DVR to record one of the best movies Lifetime has to offer, Demons from Her Past. It is of the genre LMN refers to as "Justice" and will be on at 1:00.  The story is of a woman named Allison who is convicted of murder when she accidentally plows over a child with her car.  It was not, surprisingly, a mini-van and she was not, again surprisingly, on a cell phone while driving through Edmond.  Therefore, you know something is up.

Despite her obviously being innocent, what with her being a woman on a Lifetime movie, she is imprisoned for twenty-five years.  When she is released for good behavior, because she is such a good person in a bad situation, Allison returns to her hometown intent on finding out who was behind her wrongful conviction.  I don't want to ruin the ending for you, but ****SPOILER ALERT***** it was men.  Powerful men.

Make sure to tune in to find out how she exacts her revenge and earns her "you go girl!"  You'll thank me.

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