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Cashapalooza (Part II)

8:47 PM EDT on March 16, 2009

A little over a week ago, we started a series about what Oklahoma could do with the $2.5 billion headed this way after the passing of the stimulus bill.  Due to an incredibly busy week of Ogle-worthy stories and the ongoing Ogle Madness II, this series was pushed to the side.  Now, we're back and rather than any more build-up, let's just get to the ideas.

capitol
  • Pay off the Capitol Dome

When I was in school, I was taught that Oklahoma was the only state capitol without a domed building.  I remember thinking it was cool that Oklahoma was the one state that was not a lemming when it came to this matter.  It made us unique.  It made us different.  It was not to last.

Back in the reign of Governor Keating, he sold the idea of dome-ing the capitol by telling the citizens of Oklahoma that it would be entirely funded by private donations.  Even while he was making that sales pitch, he was creating a "non-governmental organization" to hide the state funding that went toward the project.  To this date, the state is still in the hole for what is still owed.

Now that we have some federal money, maybe we should pay it off...and while we're at it, let's rip the stupid thing down and go back to being one of a kind.

diffee-kids.gif
  • Purchase enough subscriptions to The Oklahoman that they'll keep their daycare open

The Oklahoman started a feud with FOX-25 in response to the local station pointing out the financial trouble of OPUBCO (and every other print media).  You know one way to rebutt FOX's claims?  Don't shut down your employee daycare to save a meager sum.

Lost Ogle Advertising Opportunities
  • Advertise on TheLostOgle

Even if you don't have a boatload of federal money, do it anyway.  Who wouldn't want to be like First Fidelity Bank or Evans & Davis.

  • Open a training academy for blindness assistance penguins

Mrs. Matthews is a total buzzkill.  I understood when she put her foot down on getting a pet tiger (at least, I backed down after our son was born), but her denial of letting me acquire a pet penguin is unfair.  Especially, when I found out we'd have to get a pool, too.

She did leave a loophole, though.  If I am ever blinded, she said I could have a seeing-eye penguin.  The problem?  To date, no such thing exists.  Also, I'm not blind...but one problem at a time.

pickens_athleticgift
  • Buy OSU back from Boone Pickens

I remember a lot of high expectations from Cowboy fans and gnashing of teeth from Sooner fans back when Boone Pickens made his first ginormous donation to Oklahoma State University.  Since then, the football program is in just about the same shape as it was then and the basketball program is about one-third as good.  (But the football stadium looks nice.)  Not exactly a high return of investment on $200+ million.

These days, with oil prices much lower, T. Boone might be willing to sell the University back.  If so, we can go back to blaming our mediocre sports on a lack of money.

terrill1
  • Hire Mexicans to harass Randy Terrill

Representative Terrill has dedicated his life to quashing the hopes of decent, hard working people whose only sin is migrating to this country in hopes of finding a better life for their family.  Rather than calling him out on it, though, the people he targets are too busy working two or three jobs that natural born citizens feel are beneath them.  Therefore, I propose creating Terrill's worst nightmare by hiring Mexicans to follow him around harrassing him.  Of course, to do so, we'll probably need to forge some I-9's.

painted-buffalo
  • Hire artists to paint more papier mache buffalos

It wasn't a good idea in the first place, so how would it hurt to expand on the project?  I think that's the Oklahoma motto.

moat
  • Finally build that moat around Nichols Hills

We get it, rich white people.  You don't want us passing through your fair city.  Why else would you make the speed limit of the major road through town 25 miles-per-hour and station it with police officers itching to pull over any car that isn't a brand new luxury vehicle for going so much as a mile above?  They need to be honest about it and finally build that moat and drawbridge around the town by obtaining a share of the stimulus package.

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