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The United Counties of Oklahoma

8:00 AM EDT on March 13, 2009

chuck-norris

You want to know the difference between liberals and conservatives?  When George W. Bush was elected President, liberals threatened to move to Canada.  Now that Barack Obama has been elected, conservatives are threatening to go all Chuck Norris on the federal government.  Who's leading the charge?  Chuck Norris.

On the Glenn Beck radio show, Chuck laid the seeds:

GLENN: Americans will, they just, they won't stand for it. There will be parts of the country that will rise up. And they said, where's that going to come from? And I said Texas, it's going to come from Texas. Do you agree with that, Chuck, or not?

NORRIS: Oh, yeah. You know, Texas is a republic, you know. We could actually --

GLENN: It was a country before it was a state.

NORRIS: Yeah, we could break off from the union if we wanted to.

GLENN: You do, you call me.

NORRIS: Oh, yeah.

GLENN: Seriously, you do. I don't mind having that lone star on my flag. I really don't mind it. I've been out with a seam ripper looking at my flag going, I don't know, California could go. I'm just saying --

NORRIS: I may run for president of Texas.

Then he took it a step further in a WorldNetDaily article he wrote:

I'm not saying that other states won't muster the gumption to stand and secede, but Texas has the history to prove it. As most know, Texas was its own country before it joined the Union as its 28th state. From 1836 to 1846, Texas was its own Republic. Washington-on-the-Brazos (river) served as our Philadelphia, Pa. It was there, on March 2, 1836, where a band of patriots forged the Texas Declaration of Independence. (We just celebrated these dates last week.)

...

For those losing hope, and others wanting to rekindle the patriotic fires of early America, I encourage you to join Fox News' Glenn Beck, me and millions of people across the country in the live telecast, "We Surround Them," on Friday afternoon (March 13 at 5 p.m. ET, 4 p.m. CT and 2 p.m. PST). Thousands of cell groups will be united around the country in solidarity over the concerns for our nation. You can host or attend a viewing party by going to Glenn's website. My wife Gena and I will be hosting one from our Texas ranch, in which we've invited many family members, friends and law enforcement to join us. It's our way of saying "We're united, we're tired of the corruption, and we're not going to take it anymore!"

I don't know about you, but I'm scared.  Forget that it was an attempt to secede from the union that started the Civil War, but talk like Chuck is offering is what inspired nutjobs like Timothy McVeigh and David Koresh to act out.  And when it's Chuck Norris, a man purported to be what the boogeyman checks his closet for at night, there is real reason to believe it is on the horizon.

Then, there's the scariest part.  Convincing Texas shouldn't be hard.  They already think of themselves as above the country, illustrated by the way they fly their state flag higher than the American flag.  Plus, secession would promise them that the Longhorns could call themselves National Champions every year.  The scary part is that if Texas is going to do it, you know Oklahoma will be right on their heels.

So, I hope you enjoyed the 101 years we spent in the union.  And for your sake, I hope you aren't one of those people who uses federal services like the V.A. Hospital, works for the federal government (so long Tinker), or uses roads subsidized by federal money.  Because soon enough, the legion of gun-crazed loonies who join the militia groups Chuck is raising up will make sure we rid ourselves of those pesky things.  On the bright side, we can look forward to having nothing but wonderful leaders who spend their time harrassing Mexicans, bashing gays, and figuring out the best font for the state flag.

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