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The Travels of Cardboard Jim: Patrick’s Party

7:13 PM EST on January 23, 2008

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Last week, we asked a hypothetical question. On Monday, we lazily teased it. Today, we introduce our new-hopefully-regular-series-that-will-probably-just-become-irregular: The Travels of Cardboard Jim.

And what is the first part of this series?

Just Cardboard Jim crashing a party at my house. You see, my little brother graduated from the prestigious University of Central Oklahoma this past December. To honor him"“and to avoid buying a pricey gift"“I decided to throw him a belated graduation party on Saturday. Little did I know that The Lost Ogle's dear friend Cardboard Jim would show up and crash the party, creating a few wild stories for everyone.

Check out the photo timeline after the jump!

First, Jim crashed the party with some friends from "The Locker Room" studio audience, Little George and Big Jed. Jim did not RSVP:

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Then he introduced everyone to his illegitimate son, Tucker. Tucker used to be a high school quarterback:

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After getting to the party, Jim just mingled with the crowd. He fit in very well.

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He even moved to the kitchen and helped bake appetizers. Cardboard Jim loves appetizers:

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After eating, Jim started drinking "Iron City Brew." Here he is with Brad. Brad thinks that Angie Bruss thinks that he's an alcoholic. More on that some other day:

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Then Jim grabbed a drink with Vladimir (a.k.a Vlade). Jim and Vlade became really good friends:

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Jim next drank with Patrick's perverted roommate. They whispered secrets about runners later on in the night.

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After drinking way too much (and playing the Jim Traber Drinking Game), a drunk Jim challenged Vlade to a game of Guitar Hero 3. They played "My Name is Jonas" on medium.

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But Jim was defeated. In a dejected, drunken stupor, he passed out on the Schwan's salesman!

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But everything turned out okay, as Jim was helped up and consoled by his fans from The Sports Animal.

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This inspired Jim to go all "big league" and hit on the ladies. He even told them about Cal Ripken's underwear.

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Taking over the party, he then danced with the ladies. He showcased the ultimate dance moves taught to him by his homeboys in Baltimore:

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Finally, Jim hit a big fly and showered with the ladies!

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But "OH NO!" Jim also showered with Vlade. Those Jenni Carlson spread rumors about Jim and Tim Kurkjian must be true!

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Anyway, that will probably be the last time Cardboard Jim is allowed to crash any parties at my house. You won't believe the cardboard mess he made in...you know what...I'm not going to even go there.

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