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Statehood Day Preparations Are Not Complete

By Tony

1:44 PM EST on November 7, 2007

Did you know that this is the 100th anniversary of Oklahoma statehood? Apparently that's why there has been all these celebrations of "Oklahoma's Centennial." I thought that it was because our state had finally reached a population of 100. But then, I haven't left my basement in nearly 20 years, so I don't really have any idea what is going on in the world.

In any event, it seems that at least one Native American group is planning on protesting our statehood celebration because they feel Native Americans haven't been adequately represented.

If that's true, it really is terrible and I hope the situation is rectified, because Native Americans obviously play a giant and important role in Oklahoma's history. Less publicized are the other groups being overlooked on Statehood Day. Some might say that they are less publicized because they aren't nearly as important as Native Americans. They would be right. But as a service to you, the reader, I thought I would give a quick rundown of five groups you will unfortunately not be seeing represented during the Statehood Day celebrations.

Here they are:

The Participants in the Robbers Cave Experiment

Back in 1954, a group of OU researchers dropped a bunch of 12-year-old boys at Robbers Cave State Park and separated them into two groups. The amazing findings of the experiment were that 12-year-old boys tend to be very competitive. I know I'm just some young whippersnapper that needs to get off your lawn, but was this really such a revelation in 1954?

In any event, it is not fair that things like the Stanford Prison Experiment remain staples of Pscyh 101 classes while the Robbers Cave Experiment is largely forgotten. We need to bring the boys who took part in this back for Statehood Day and have Brad Henry give them a medal or something.

Concerned Citizens Against Frontier City's Amusement Park Monopoly

During the 1960s, there were actually three amusement parks in Oklahoma City. Along with Frontier City, we also had Springlake Park and Wedgewood Village Amusement Park. Now the latter two are gone and mostly forgotten, and Frontier City still stands as the only local amusement park. This allows them to inflate their prices and skimp on their gunfight shows. Fortunately, the group Concerned Citizens Against Frontier City's Amusement Park Monopoly has spent the better part of the last thirty years fighting against this travesty* and should be recognized during our centennial celebrations.

* - False. I just made this up while sitting here at my computer.

Fans of Patti Suarez

Patrick claims to have had a pre-adolescent crush on Patti Suarez, and he isn't alone in that regard. The non-profit organization Fans Of Patti Suarez (or FOPS) has worked long and hard to bring our favorite former news anchor back to town. She's a stage actress now, as you can see from the video below. If FOPS can get her back on Channel 9 before the end of the year, surely they should be honored for their heroic work.

The Weathermen

Is there any more influential group of people in this state than the weathermen? What child of Oklahoma wasn't raised on the soothing, dulcet tones of Gary England, Wayne Shattuck and Dan Threlkeld? Yet they get no thanks? They get no float in the Centennial parade? The children cry out for a helium-filled Rusty McCranie head passing them on the street. Unless this injustice is rectified, expect Gary England to target the Statehood Day celebration as the next severe weather spot.

The Bring Back The Old Names Alliance

This is a new group that was formed this morning when it was revealed that the Omniplex has changed it's name to the atrocity that is "Science Museum Oklahoma." They claim that this is because it "more accurately describes the future of this institution." Next thing you know they'll change Remington Park to "That Place Where Horses Run Fast." Between Sooner Fashion Mall, The Myriad, and now the Omniplex, the metro area seems to be getting rid of all the good names. I hereby call on the state legislature to award The Bring Back The Old Names Alliance with a congratulations certificate and allow them to kick off their campaign on Statehood Day.

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