Onward we trudge with our celebration of 100 years of statehood, featuring the Top 100 Oklahoma embarrassments of all time. Today, numbers 70-61.
70. Megan Mullally
Will and Grace wasn't the worst show to ever air on American television, but Mullally's character sported the most annoying voice since Fran Drescher was The Nanny. Once Will and Grace ended, someone in the TV industry weirdly thought it was a good idea for Mullally to have her own talk show, which shockingly, failed.
69. Bill Self's Toupee
The Edmond native is a good basketball coach, and we think allegations of his continual choking in the NCAA tournament are a bit overblown, but that hairpiece has got to go. At the very least, he needs a new one that doesn't start curling up in the back every time he starts sweating on the sideline. In any case, we feel that if you have to wear a hat when you go swimming, something needs to change. Bald is beautiful, Coach Self! Embrace it!
68. E.Z. Million
E.Z. Million has something of an impressive resume, so it's a little difficult to pinpoint exactly when he lost his mind. He spends all his time crusading for the OU/Texas game to be moved from Dallas to a home-and-home game, which begs two questions: 1. Why would anyone want to change one of the greatest traditions and experiences in sports, and 2. How could anyone possibly think this should be the biggest priority in life?
67. Gary Condit
Gary Condit was born in some place called Woodland Junction, Oklahoma and graduated from Tulsa Hale before heading off to California and getting elected to Congress. He had a nondescript career, until an intern named Chandra Levy went missing and eventually turned up dead. While Condit apparently had nothing to do with her disappearance, he did admit to having an affair with Levy, 30 years his younger. This was deliciously ironic, given his outspoken criticism of Bill Clinton during the Monica Lewinsky scandal.
66. Howard Schnellenberger
Know what is not cool? Being a terrible football coach. Know what is even less cool than that? Not giving your players water during football practice. That's what happened during Schnellenberger's one season at Oklahoma, and it resulted in one player, Brian Ailey, collapsing and spending six days in the hospital.
65. Merle Haggard
Haggard's song "Okie from Muskogee" features all of the following lines:
"We don't smoke marijuana in Muskogee;
...
We don't take our trips on LSD"
...
"We don't make a party out of lovin'"
Dude, that's all the cool stuff. Why was he trying to ruin Muskogee's reputation?
64. Hanson
Hanson burst onto the scene in 1997, prompting millions across the country to debate whether the newly-popular trio were boys or girls. The question of the meaning of the phrase "MMMbop," repeated over and over endlessly throught the song, has been featured numerous times on the show "Unsolved Mysteries," with no resolution.
63. The Locker Room
If you have not seen The Locker Room on Fox 25, you are missing out. It features Mike Steely, who we like for the most part, and Jim Traber, who we don't, discussing sports in front of an incredibly low budget set and an audience of about eight people. The first season ended in the spring, and the final episode had a rating of 0.0. Amazingly, and fortunately for all of us who like unintentional comedy, The Locker Room will return next Sunday and continue throughout the college football season. Please, please tune in. We must find a way to keep this monstrosity on the air.
62. Where the Heart Is
We have not seen this movie. But it is about a girl in Oklahoma who lives in, and eventually gives birth in, a Wal-Mart. That sort of speaks for itself, we would think.
61. Larry Cochell
Cochell brought the University of Oklahoma baseball team into the national spotlight for all the wrong reasons in 2005 when he made racial remarks in an interview with ESPN. He said that one of his players had "no n----- in him" and that he was "a good black kid," suggesting that he views his black players differently than the rest of his team. It was a a proud moment for the University of Oklahoma.
Check back in next Monday, when we'll feature Oklahoma Embarrassments #'s 60-51. You can view the previous entries by clicking the following links:
100-91
90-81
80-71
