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KWTV’s commercial is kind of weird and scary

10:01 AM EDT on June 14, 2007

Last night there was a pretty big thunderstorm around these parts. It rained quite a bit, and there was lots of lightning and the thunder was really loud. It was very scary! I was extremely frightened and cowered in the corner with only my beloved dog, Stripes, there to comfort me.* Suddenly, I remembered this advertisement that I had recently seen for Gary England and the Channel 9 weather crew:

I realized that the experience I was having was eerily similar to what had happened to the family in this promo. The sky was dark, the windows were open so that the wind blowing through the drapes would look even more ominous, debris was flying everywhere, and dramatic music had started playing in the background! What was I to do? Naturally, I listened to the sage advice of the mother of Mitchell and Lauren and turned my television to Channel 9 in the hopes that Gary England would "let us know it's ok." And did he ever! I am more certain of anything that the only reason I made it through the night was because of the reassuring tones of Gary England and his trusty sidekick, Val Castor. Eventually the storm even ended! Some people say that it simply passed through the area, but deep in my heart I know that Gary England stared the thunderstorm down and it simply disappeared so that the noble meteorologist wouldn't beat the living hell out of it.

*For all the attractive women reading this: I was not really cowering in the corner. This is a fictional story intended to aid in making fun of this completely over-the-top Channel 9 promo. I have never been scared in my entire life and am usually described as "Braver than anyone I've ever seen." Also: "An unparalleled genius." And: "An incredible lover."

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