With the OKC Thunder coasting into tonight's Game 1 of the Western Conference Finals, Thunder Fever has swept the state once again – with our hopes rising like smoke, and the chance of a repeat looking higher than me after taking a 100mg edible and scoring cheap nosebleeds at Paycom Center.
If they manage to win the championship again, I’d like to offer The Lost Ogle’s finest hospitality postgame and host a smoke circle at center court. I know this is a long shot, but by the power vested in me by Oklahoma medical marijuana, my dream blunt rotation will become reality! If not, at least they look stoned enough in their NBA headshots for this article.
Here’s the Thunder smoke circle we’re hosting if OKC goes back-to-back.
SGA
After another MVP season, there’s no question SGA gets first greens and can hold it as long as he likes.
He flexed to Sports Illustrated, “my whole life is consistent,” and I have no doubt he’d consistently crack me up – whether it’s telling his teammates to shut up during an interview or getting a reporter to bark like a dog. I don’t know, though… after the break-in at his Nichols Hills home – during a Thunder home game no less – perhaps partaking could induce paranoia that makes him want to switch cities and teams. Know your limits (as if he has any)!
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Chet Holmgren
Next up in the rotation would be our star center, Chet Holmgren. Now I’m not choosing him because he’s a key component to this winning formula who deserves a dab, but due to his horrible performance in a recent interview. He sat down with Thunder alum Serge Ibaka on his YouTube channel.
The Congolese-Spanish host who had spent two hours cooking him a special chicken foot soup was put in an awkward situation when Chet admitted he was into more traditional meals, like jerk chicken and peas and rice. He turned down any taste of the toes, making Ibaka look as disappointed as he did when he lost the 2011 NBA Slam Dunk Contest to Blake Griffin. I think if Chet took a few puffs, he’d be ready to chomp down on some chicken feet.
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Nikola Topić
Next up is a player who could possibly benefit from the medicinal side of marijuana. After a recent testicular cancer diagnosis and chemotherapy treatment, this baller may still occasionally suffer the lingering effects. Could he reap the rewards of a post-win puff-puff-pass? He certainly deserves it!
Although the chronic isn’t legal in his home country of Serbia, I’m sure he would sneak a quick hit before handing it off to my next smoke circle draft pick.
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Isaiah Hartenstein
I’d guess this gentle giant of a German would graciously pass the green due to his generosity and gravitas. Yes, I know he was born in the States, but I love alliteration. I recently saw a video titled “The Oklahoma Standard,” which chronicled his character after signing with the Thunder – learning the history of the Murrah bombing and creating a charity foundation. It was awesome seeing him give back to a community and how quickly he fit in with the team and the city.
The highlight for me is watching him – or any 7-foot-tall person – have kids try to give a high five. There’s no way they’re ever going to reach, but it never stops them from trying and warming my heart.
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Jalen Williams
With a nickname like J-Dub, you know this man has hit as many points as he has joints. Plus, in his team mugshot, dude looks mad as hell – like someone told him the blunt was cashed before it got to him. Add in his villainous leg tattoos featuring the Joker, Anakin Skywalker and the Green Goblin, and we might need to let him puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff puff pass.
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Alex Caruso
Finishing out our circle is someone who will greatly benefit from smoking on this Transplant Terp Infused Wolfman Weed – Alex Caruso. He was actually busted in Texas for weed possession and paraphernalia back in 2021, and we sure hope he’s still down! As one of the NBA’s great bald defensive pests, he’s the perfect man to guard the blunt. Just don’t let him get too high or he’ll start picking pockets before the next hit.
Save some for me, Caruso – Flying Thunder Lizard knows I need it!
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So there you have it… the Thunder blunt rotation of my dreams, assembled with science, weed math, and way too much time staring at NBA headshots. If OKC goes back-to-back, you know where to find me: center court, coughing, crying and asking Caruso to save me a hit.
Go Thunder! Please send Uncle Skunk free tickets!
