When it comes to the spectral visage of the spookiest season around, All Hallows’ Eve or, as the living referred to it, Halloween, finds most people grinding down on the real spooky stuff, like fat black cats, glowing jack o’lanterns, and all the mustiest creatures in the darkest of night.
But, for me, it’s the time of the season to sinfully indulge in the sweetest of treats, like individually-wrapped candy, high-calorie cakes, and, for all intents and purposes, the coldest and boldest of ice creams.
So, when your hack pack gets a Satanic panic for the frozen stuff, bring them to the most ghoulish ice cream shop in town, the ooky and spooky The Ice Creamatory, 1200 12th Avenue SE, in Norman, and indulge in the very demonic reason for the most secular of seasons.
I soon learned that not only does the Ice Creamatory have a whole menu devoted to the mad and macabre, but the whole place is devilishly devoted to the entire horror medium, especially the cinema of the deranged and demented that seems to be the m.o. for the place.
As a matter of fact, the first thing I noticed when I entered the shop was the murderous gleam of Michael Myers' butcher knife, greeting customers maliciously. Sure, it’s only a movie prop, but I’m sure someone will get a brutal start!
Only in Oklahoma will a fire and brimstone snack shop like this caustically appear, in between tanning salons and donut shops in an unassuming strip center. As the phantasmagorical world of the horror medium compounds my burning brain, I perused the creepy menu of ice cream inventions and innovations.
Oh, to be a plump twelve-year-old horror kid again!
Truthfully, I kind of wanted to try almost everything, but my 47-year-old body—the real eve of destruction!—could not take the real demonic destroyer, the massive caloric intake. So, my wife and I tried around four of the offered items: two small cups of ice cream and two gore-met shakes.
Of course, that plan was destroyed at the register as I purchased a “Boo Bag” of locally baked ghostly-shaped shortbread cookies for $6.00. My only hope was that the quickly demolished bag was all a dream…or was it?
As I waited for our morbid mortician to wrangle our icy treats, I took a more nuanced look at the classic posters, original art, and other memorabilia that lined the walls of The Ice Creamatory.
All of the perennial favorites were represented, including Jason, Freddy, and, of course, our old friend Michael. But also original pieces of art, from bone-chilling skeletons and big-nosed clowns to the folk art of Mexico, represented in a marionette with a bony smile.
Staring back at the puppet, I had to avert my gaze as our order was up.
My wife was a fan of the killer robotic doll Megan, so she started with the “Sweetware Glitch” ($5.25). Sugar cookie dough ice cream with pink sprinkles, silver sanding sugar, and extra chunks of sugar cookie dough on the top, this ice cream gave her taste buds a malfunction error as she had a big bite.
Even if her motor wasn’t operative, Megan’s cybernetic arms held my wife in a pure sugary embrace! The sugar cookie dough ice cream, especially with the sweet pink sprinkles, gave her a robotic sugar rush as she scarfed the remaining cookie dough balls.
But forget that teeny-bopper horror. As my own red right hand came into play, I had the dreamy Freddy Krueger callback “Never Sleep Again” ($5.25). A true curse to all insomniacs, coffee ice cream is mixed with chocolate chips and drizzled with chocolate sauce and topped with whipped cream.
One, two, this ice cream is coming for you! With his steely knives—and a hard-edged spoon—this dessert was truly eye-opening—literally—as the aromatic coffee ice cream made my heart race like a percolator. With the chocolate drizzle turning into a downpour of taste, this was a total cream dream!
I took one last look at The Ice Creamatory as I stood on my soapbox and thought how remarkable it is that this paean to the fictional dark side exists in Oklahoma, providing the sweet treats and scares that the very uptight and upright schoolmarms want banned from schools, churches, and, of course, kitchens.
I guess horror movies—and their desserts—will always be a lightning rod for assholes...
As we took our shakes to the car, I turned the key and took a sip from the Addams Family’s inspired novelty, the Wednesday Addams ($7.50). My wife, on the other hand, took a swallow of the Stranger Things-based shake, The Upside Down ($7.50).
Man, if it’s even possible…the shakes were even better than the ice cream!
We decided that in a couple of weeks, I will bring my horror-loving young nephew—the kid I took to see Bruce Campbell and an Evil Dead screening at Tower a couple of years ago—to give him a real trick and treat.
Maybe I’ll even splurge on a new creepy t-shirt to go with his frozen treat … I only hope it isn’t accursed!
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Follow Louis Fowler on Instagram at @louisfowler78.
