We’ve officially entered the chaotic carnival that is Oklahoma Legipalooza 2025—that magical time of year when Oklahoma lawmakers unveil their wackiest, nuttiest, and most attention-grabbing bills in hopes of scoring media attention, publicity, and brownie points from deranged voters – and we’re already seeing some impressively bizarre results!
While many bills are unnecessary sequels to past legislative attempts—like Dusty Deevers’ latest effort to restrict divorce (again) or Jim Olsen’s annual attempt to force the Ten Commandments into classrooms (again)—one original and truly wacky piece of legislation is stealing the spotlight: SB 484.
Dubbed the “What Would Jesus Not Do” Act, the bill would prohibit Oklahoma cities with fewer than 300,000 residents from operating homeless shelters or performing homeless outreach.
Basically, if passed and signed into law, it would ban homeless shelters in every Oklahoma town except for Oklahoma City and Tulsa.
The bill—which defies any sort of logic and rationality—was introduced by rookie State Senator Lisa Standridge of Norman. She recently assumed the Senate seat previously held by her equally unhinged husband, Rob Standridge.
In case you’re new around here, Rob was one of the more well-known members of the Derplahoman Caucus. Some of his news-making highlights include introducing all sorts of unneeded legislation that addressed unimportant issues. You know, like preventing people from using welfare cards in strip clubs, or not letting individuals give porno mags to people experiencing homelessness.
Here’s a picture of the happy couple:
Sure, they may look like your typical white middle-class couple that's done the hanky panky next to their Hobby Lobby cross-wall, but if I lived in the same neighborhood as these two, I’d be checking my water lines for lead on a regular basis!
Seriously, where do right-wing weirdos like these folks even meet? QAnon-Singles.com? Gun show parking lots?? Applebee’s???
Actually, who am I kidding? They probably met the way most right-wing yahoo couples do—at church.
Back to the bill: whether you’re someone who believes in compassion for the homeless and supports providing free housing and resources, or someone who gets their kicks driving around town with Crazy Carol Hefner conducting homeless audits, it’s hard to see how anyone could think this bill is a good idea.
It doesn’t do anything to address the root issue of homelessness and would only result in more homeless individuals congregating in OKC or Tulsa. Nothing against the homeless, but how is that fair? There's only so many Curbside Chronicals I can buy in a month.
If anything, we should be doing the opposite! I say we close all the shelters in Oklahoma City and Tulsa and mandate that they can only be built in towns with populations under 100,000!
Not only would that alleviate the strain on our two largest cities, but it might also breathe new life into rural Oklahoma. Picture it—fresh faces to work in hog farms, fill jail cells, or, let’s be honest, start a meth lab or two. A win-win for everyone, right?
If that brilliant plan doesn’t work, we could always compromise and officially declare the City of Lawton as Oklahoma’s designated homeless shelter. Big-city folks would be happy, rural folks would be happy, and Lawton would, well… probably just stay the same.
To be clear, these are very sardonic and sarcastic “solutions” to Standridge’s bill.
I’m not giving it a serious critique because it’s such a moronic idea that it doesn’t deserve one. I know we live in a dumb state with dumb leaders where all sorts of dumb shit is possible, but I can’t see this making it out of committee.
Even if it does, I can’t imagine one lawmaker whose district falls within OKC or Tulsa supporting it. Politicians like to be reelected more than anything – and if they can't, they'll apparently make sure their equally insane spouse is ready to carry their baton – and voting in favor of a bill that brings more homelessness to your district is a good way to make sure that doesn’t happen.
Either way, we’ll keep our eyes on it and keep you updated.
Stay with The Lost Ogle. We’ll keep you advised.
