Last week, I got a hard-hitting breaking news dispatch from the Ogle Mole Network informing me that News 9’s Colby Thelen – the guy who replaced Storme Jones on the News 9 morning couch – is now moonlighting as a professional wrestler.
Yep, that’s right.
Knock Nadeen off the Segway, throw Stormy to the clouds, and twinkle your toes like J’ordy. There’s a new TV news alter ego in town! His name is God’s Work – a heavenly news diva who body-slams sinners to the mat like a fast-flowing teleprompter.
Here’s a clip from his debut match at the Chicken Shack in Arcadia:
I guess that’s pretty cool. Sure, he may look a bit like Dangerous Danny Davis, but I appreciate what Colby is doing to improve his muscly brand appeal with early-morning lady news viewers.
News 9 aired a clip of his wrestling debut, and the Lacy sisters—News 9's early-morning duo—were obviously impressed:
Question? What animal crapped on the pile of coffee table books? I don't think I wanna know.
Although it’s neat to see a news anchor showing the smarts to create a backup career, I can’t help but wonder what old Storme Jones thinks while watching that clip from the cozy comfort of the Cleveland County Courthouse.
In fact, I’d wager Storme’s sitting in the front seat of a county snowplow right now, spilling his guts to Gan Matthews, Commissioner Hughes, or whoever else will listen, and like Brando, lamenting the day he agreed to take a dive to the noon newscast.
“That could have been me, Gan! I could have had class. I could have been a contender! I could have been somebody!”
Seriously, why did News 9 never send Storme out to test his mettle in the ring? Were they trying to protect the wrestlers? Were they worried about the ratings it would generate? He dodged rubber bullets and tear gas canisters like Commando navigating an urban jungle during the June 2020 protest-riot demonstrations! Hell, his name is even Storme, for Christ’s sake! I’m sure many people would have lined up to watch him go full Undertaker on some semi-pro wrestlers from Del City.
Actually, I have a better idea.
I call right now for Empire Pro Wrestling to organize a brouhaha knock-down fight at Eishen’s in Okarche between Colby… errr… God’s Work and Storme “Thunder” Jones… or Storme “Lightning” Jones… or Storme “NexRad 9000” Jones... or… we can figure out the name later. For extra pizazz, I’ll even referee. What could go wrong!
Anyway, make this happen, Empire Wrestling people.
In the meantime, stay with The Lost Ogle. We’ll keep you advised.
