This Valentine’s Day weekend, most of the metro is expected to get 2 – 20 inches…of snow. On top of that, we are still in the middle of a goddang global pandemic. While some may take this weekend’s weather and COVID conditions as a sign to skip the hoopla of this Hallmark holiday, we’re a little more optimistic here at TLO. So here’s 7 ways to celebrate Valentine’s Day this weekend!
Cuddle by Candlelight
Let’s face it. We have a snow-pocalpyse expected this weekend and there’s no way OG&E has solved all of its infrastructure issues since the October ice storm. OKC residents will probably have no choice but to cuddle by candlelight. At least try to make it romantic by upgrading to some $17 Yankee candles in your Walmart pickup order this weekend.
Court Like It’s 1859
It’s probably safest to employ the dating tactics of our great-great-great-grandparents if you choose to meet up with a Tinder date this weekend. Those hoops skirts and chaperones made sure suiters socially distanced enough so no gal became a social disgrace. So a good rule of thumb for this weekend is if you’re close enough to see her wrists, you’re close enough to catch COVID-19.
Caress with Care
If you are too tempted by a bare forearm to socially distance yourself from your date this weekend, Web MD recommends wearing a mask if you are having intercourse with anyone outside of your quarantine bubble. It’s already smart to wrap it before your tap it. So I guess get a mask to get that ass, ya’ll.
Craft Your Own Gifts
Everyone seems to have picked up a new hobby over quarantine, 80% of which involve a glue gun. Make this year special by specially making your sweetie a homemade Valentine’s Day gift! If you need inspiration, check out our list of the 7 sexiest items you can find at Hobby Lobby and get to crafting.
Cook at Home
Why risk driving in the winter weather to wait 3 hours for dinner because you forgot (again) to make a reservation when you could wait 3 hours for dinner in the comfort of your own home because you didn’t realize how goddang complicated it was to make chicken parmesan?
Call in an Order
If the bread crumbs aren’t sticking to the soggy slab that was once a chicken breast, it’s probably time to call in an order. Many metro restaurants are offering delightful deals this Valentine’s Day. Just keep in mind, we’re supposed experience a snow-pocalypse this weekend. So, make sure to drive slowly when you go to pick up your order or tip your goddam Door Dash driver for risking their life (and car) to deliver your spaghetti.
Conveniently Use COVID
If you don’t have a date for Valentine’s Day this weekend, you’re in luck! Deflect from unwanted/unwarranted questions about your relationship status by claiming that you’re staying home by yourself to decrease your chances of contracting COVID-19. It’s also a useful tool to politely decline your mother’s annual attempt to hook you up with one of her church friend’s adult children.