As the bell tolled for 2020, a small baby entered through the large door and took the still smoldering cigarette out of the old man’s limp hands. Freshly dead with a hard-fought and completely lost battle now far behind him, as the tiny toddler ripped the sash that proclaimed “New Year’s 2021” off his chest, he got right to work fixing mankind’s mistakes.
I’m sure that’s what we’d like to imagine for the state of this brand new year, but with 2020 being such an absolute horrorshow, if I’m being honest, all I’m picturing is a continually burning America with a maniacal Trump screaming “No one gets out of here alive!” and firing two large machine guns on the globe, his errand boy Stitt masculinely holding his tiny bullet belt.