Happy Monday, my fellow Oklahomans! We are officially one day and 14,842 campaign texts away from the 2020 Election. Last week, The Tulsa World published a handy dandy guide to the candidates and voting process to help Oklahomans to know what to expect come Election Day. While I appreciate the effort, I feel like the staff at the Tulsa World left out some vital tips. So, here’s the Official TLO Guide for Surviving Election Day 2020!
Get in Line Early
A good rule of thumb is, if you’re not already in line at your designated polling place by the time this article publishes on Monday afternoon, you’re probably going to be waiting in line for a long time on Tuesday.
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Be Pandemic-Ready
Contrary to the perceived belief of our esteemed governor, COVID-19 is still a thing. Not only that, but the curve in Oklahoma is about as flat as the 4th Oklahoma congressional district. So socially distance yourself in line, wear a mask, and bring some of those clip-on Bath & Body Works hand sanitizer bottles.
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Refrain from Scrolling Social Media
Gaggles of political ads have been plaguing our social media timelines for months and campaigns aren't afraid to blow through the rest of their budgets for ad space on Election Day. To keep from being bombarded with images of Stephanie Bice’s husband spreading cream cheese on a bagel, switch back to MySpace for a day or two. Not even Inhofe is out of touch enough to advertise on MySpace and you probably have 12 years’ worth of feeds to scroll through at this point anyway.
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Cram
Based on the early voting turnout the last few days, the lines to vote on Tuesday are predicted to be longer than a kindergartener’s story about their fieldtrip. So, take this time to finally do research on your candidates. Decide if you do want our judges to maintain incumbency or if President Kanye will be taken any more seriously than some of his predecessors.
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Don’t Put Up with Voter Intimidation Bull Shit
According to the ACLU, it is illegal for anyone to intimidate or threaten voters or interfere with their rights to vote. If some ass-hat is attempting to intimidate you or your fellow Oklahomans, contact the Oklahoma Election Board at 405-521-2391 or the ACLU at 1-866-687-8683. If you are denied a ballot by a poll worker for one reason or another, ask for a provisional ballot with a receipt. Don’t let anyone interfere with your rights.
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Post on Social Media
I don’t care what kinds of records the Oklahoma Election Board keeps year after year. If you don’t follow up your vote by posting a selfie with an “I Voted” sticker on social media, it didn’t happen. Just don’t take a ballot or voting booth selfie or the Ghost of Mary Fallin past may haunt you until 2024.
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Prepare for the Fall of Society
Well, maybe our government won’t completely disintegrate come 7:01 tomorrow. But no matter how the election turns out, Tuesday will be taxing. Remember, it’s normal to feel stressed right now. Just take good care of yourself tomorrow and we’ll see you on the other side.
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In the words of Smash Mouth, "my world's on fire, how 'bout yours?" Follow Hayley on twitter @squirrellygeek and become a contributing member of TLO here.
